Diary Of James Hetfield

Chapter 1... Five Months Into 1983!

Well, Dave is back. He decides to just hug me like he didn't slap me in April. I wanted to ignore him, but his band mates were there! I can't help but feel a slight attraction, though. He's so fucking annoying, yet, he's kind of hot. Sometimes I wonder if anybody really likes me or not, or just if they don't want to hurt me. Anyways, while he was over, he tried to hug Lars. Red flag! Lars didn't want one. Lars only likes hugs from me! But it's fine. Lars was comfortable. It still made me really mad. Enough about Dave, more about my sweet, amazing, perfect song. Dave helped with the other songs off Ride The Lightning, but we have to finish the album. Who wants like, three songs on their album? This will be the best!

I also had diarrhea today. Lars just kept telling me, "Eyes on the prize!" Eyes on what prize? A flaming, burning asshole with diarrhea around it? Such a prize, eh? Wow. I just want it to go away, but guess what. You know what rhymes with diarrhea? Gonorrhea. I got that. I actually don't know how. Maybe when I was drunk, I rode a random man at the mall. Possibly. Sounds like something I would do.

Enough about me, how are you doing? Good? Amazing! Bad? Aw. Why? No chocolate? Damn. I feel you. Just go listen to Michael Jackson, okay? Alright? Bye, then. You're not going? Why not? Ok. Go eat.

Michael Jackson is hot. I can't lie. But you know what? July is coming up. The Fourth of July. Isn't that a great holiday? Yeah. My birthday is after the Fourth of July. August 3! And I turn 20! Nine days after my birthday, we have a concert to do in Chicago, Illinois. The Metro, here I come!!!