Toxic Insanity.

Is this what losing my mind feels like? I'm constantly trying to fit in, but I can never seem to. I'm scared. I find myself running from my problems, facing reality is something my mind doesn't want me to do. Even though it needs to happen.

If I could go back in time to the day, I was truly happy; if that were possible I would. I feel like I'm dead, not there, not anywhere but in the air, like my body is a feather floating with the wind.

I always have an attitude because I'm scared of being truly happy; always worried about people other than myself. I want to see the world a better way I really do but I can't not now, not ever because if the world was a better place... I would've wanted to be here.

I have feelings but I just don't use them the right way. It's miserable being alive, well on earth. I always expect better from the wrong people, it's not healthy in no way shape or form.

My mind is racing, and my heart is pacing. Why do I live a lie? I was meant to be happy, not sad or bad. I am who I am, no one can change that, not even myself.

It's hard because I have one person telling me one thing and another person telling me another. What do I believe? Who do I believe?

I've surrounded myself with things that hurt my emotions, that hurt me physically. People say it's my fault. It's my fault for trying to make bad people good.

I've always had trouble trusting people. Because what they said and what they did were to different things

                                                  

                                                                                                                                               I was my biggest enemy there was.