Silent Bond || EstWilliam au

Nine

William sat on the edge of his bed, the soft glow of his phone illuminating his face in the dimly lit room. The air was still, save for the faint hum of the aircond whirring in the corner. His chest felt heavy as he unlocked his phone, staring at the home screen for a moment, debating with himself. He didn't want to go down this road again, didn't want to remember the ache in his heart every time Est's name crossed his mind. But something about tonight made the memories too strong to ignore.

He found himself opening his photo gallery, his thumb hovering over the "Albums" tab before tapping on the folder titled 'Phi Est'. It had been a long time since he'd looked at these pictures, too long. His breath caught in his throat as the first image appeared on the screen—a selfie of the two of them from two years ago. Est had his arm slung around William's shoulders, both of them grinning widely at the camera, the bright sunlight reflecting off their faces as they stood outside their favorite café.

William sighed, swiping to the next picture. This one was from a beach trip—Est was half-covered in sand, laughing as William tried to pile more onto him. The sound of Est's laughter echoed in William's mind as if it were happening all over again. He closed his eyes, trying to block it out, but the memories rushed in anyway, too powerful to resist.

The next few photos were similar—selfies, moments frozen in time that captured their brotherly bond. In one, Est had playfully ruffled William's hair, making a mess of it while William laughed and pretended to be annoyed. In another, they were sitting in a car, eating ice cream cones and smiling at the camera as if the world outside didn't exist.

A lump formed in William's throat as he continued to scroll through the pictures, each one tugging at his heart a little more. He missed those days, the ease with which they'd spent time together, the way Est had always known how to make him feel better, even when William didn't know he needed it. He missed the warmth of Est's presence, the way he always had William's back, no matter what.

But those days were gone now, and no matter how hard William tried to lie to himself, to pretend he didn't care anymore, his heart wouldn't let him forget. He tried telling himself that he was fine without Est, that he didn't need his older brother's approval or attention, but as he stared at the last photo—a candid shot of Est laughing so hard his eyes were squeezed shut—William felt the familiar ache settle in his chest again.

He missed him. More than he'd ever admit, even to himself.

After a long moment, William set his phone down on the bed beside him, running a hand through his hair as he tried to shake off the feelings that were creeping up on him. But no matter how much he fought it, he couldn't stop thinking about Est. About how long it had been since they'd spoken. About how much he wished things were different.

He picked his phone up again, glancing at the screen before opening his social media app without really thinking about it. His finger hovered over Est's name in the blocked accounts list, and for a split second, he hesitated.

He'd blocked Est on everything after he left—Instagram, Line, Twitter, even their shared gaming account. It had been his way of shutting his brother out, of pretending like he didn't care anymore, like Est didn't matter to him. But now, staring at the blocked account, William felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He couldn't keep lying to himself. Not anymore.

With a shaky breath, William unblocked Est's account. The moment felt heavy, as if he were undoing something he'd held onto for too long. His heart pounded in his chest as he opened Est's Instagram, scrolling through the profile he hadn't looked at in what felt like ages. The posts were there, clear and vibrant—photos of Est attending seminars, hanging out with friends, posing in front of university buildings, all with that familiar confident smile on his face.

William's stomach twisted. There was no denying that Est was thriving in California, living the life he'd always wanted. He was surrounded by new people, new experiences, and a whole new world that seemed so far away from the quiet life William had built for himself back home. Seeing Est so happy, so full of life, filled William with a mix of emotions he couldn't quite sort through.

There was pride, of course. How could he not be proud of Est? He was doing so well, accomplishing everything he'd set out to do, and William was happy for him. But alongside that pride was something else—something bitter and raw that William didn't want to acknowledge. It was the hurt that Est hadn't even bothered to see him properly when he visited. The hurt that Est had moved on so easily, while William was still stuck, trying to figure out where he fit in the world without his brother by his side.

He watched one of Est's recent Instagram stories, a short video of him laughing with friends after a seminar, making jokes about how exhausting the day had been. William's chest tightened. There was Est, smiling and laughing like everything was perfect, like nothing had changed. But for William, everything had changed.

He swallowed hard, feeling the burn of tears at the back of his throat. He hated this. He hated how seeing Est like this made him feel so small, so left behind. He hated how much he missed him, even though he didn't want to. He hated how much he still cared.

Without thinking, William closed the app and tossed his phone onto the bed. He buried his face in his hands, taking a deep, shaky breath as the weight of everything crashed down on him all at once. His chest felt tight, his mind racing with thoughts he couldn't control.

Why did it have to be like this?

William wiped his eyes quickly, refusing to let the tears fall. He had already let too many emotions slip tonight, and he wasn't about to let himself break down over this. Not again.

But deep down, he knew the truth: no matter how hard he tried to lie to himself, no matter how much he told himself he didn't need Est anymore, he couldn't erase the bond they shared. Est was more than just his older brother—he was the person who had always been there for him, guiding him, protecting him, making sure he was okay.

And no matter how much time passed, no matter how far apart they were, William couldn't forget that. He just couldn't.