I stand outside his room for what feels like forever until I gather the courage to knock. Kieran calls for me to come in. I slowly step through, quietly shutting the door behind me.
"Popcorn is here, X-Files is ready to go and I brought some ice cream too. Just in case." He says moving around the room to close the blinds.
I was feeling awkward until now. I flick my finger in a downward motion and the large ceiling light turns off. The navy walls are illuminated only by the TV.
"Hurry up and sit down. I brought my blanket. We're starting with episode one by the way." I walk over to his sofa and plop myself down. I pat the spot beside me as I drape the plush fabric over my lap.
Hesitantly he comes and sits down. He puts the popcorn in front of me on the coffee table and presses play. Not wanting to forget the main reason I'm here I turn to look at Kieran.
"So, what specifically did you want to talk about?"
He stiffens. "Uh, well I think we should start with some boundaries. Mainly regarding sex. I feel like we've never really had a proper conversation before. I always wanted to but I got the vibe you wanted me to stay away from you."
"Well, you're perfect. You make it a little hard to be around you sometimes, I admit I've got a terrible inferiority complex when it comes to you." I pause before continuing. "As far as sex and everything, what do you want from me? Do you want to get serious, or were you hoping for a fling?" My heart thumps hard against my ribcage, discomfort swirls around in my gut.
He stares at me, his confidence coming back. "Perfect huh? That's how you feel?"
"Oh come on Kieran. You're smart and nice. You're good at everything you do. Everyone loves you. You don't mess things up like I do. Not to mention you're hot. " I stuff a fistful of popcorn into my mouth, swiveling back to see the TV. Suddenly feeling down.
"Grace."
I stare forward, knowing if I look at him now I might cry.
"Grace, please." He reaches out, gently turning my face toward him. "Everyone has flaws, everyone makes mistakes, and that's okay."
His kind eyes peer down at me, tears start blurring my vision, but he won't let me move away from him. He moves in closer, resting his forehead on mine, the tips of our noses touch. I let my eyelids drift closed. Kieran takes the bowl of popcorn from me before tugging me into his lap. He holds me close, his chest is pressed against my back.
"You can cry Grace."
"This isn't what I came here for."
"Doesn't matter, we've got time. I was just worried that if we didn't talk right away about what happened we'd just feel awkward around each other. I didn't want that. Especially now that I've started to hope." He stops himself, placing his head in the crook of my neck.
"Hope for what?" I sniffle.
"Shit. This isn't how I wanted to do this. I guess I'll just come out with it then.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I like you Grace. Not as a friend. I want to be with you, not just as your pair, not for the balance. Does that make sense?"
"So you want to date me?"
I'm stunned, and the disbelief in my voice must be obvious because Kieran laughs.
“You really had no idea? I wasn't exactly subtle about it, especially when we were younger. Indra asked me when I was 17, she said she had known before that, but she thought it was only just a crush so she didn't ask.”
“Holy shit Kieran. This whole time? Why? I've been such an asshole.” I groan and bury my head in my hands.
“Well, the heart wants what it wants right? I tried to date a few people, but it never lasted long. I just couldn't do it, you were always on my mind.”
