Shit for writing

Story my ass bro I'm just posting a writing

I can't write. Not for me. not for you. After all it's my first time. But realistically. Does writing have to be About someone something. Why can't it just be writing without meaning. Well. If I write long enough surely there will be meaning. Maybe I'll find meaning. I once read to search for meaning gives it meaning. Does it mean there's meaning in this writing? I write. Why? I know why. Do I dare write it here? What if someone uses my phone and sees all this. Man. I'd cringe so hard. But. If I trust them enough to use my phone. I trust them enough that they'll just make a slight joke about it. Maybe tease me a little. Cause. If they don't even tease me a little are they even my friend? Has it gotten a meaning yet. Back to the question. Why?. Well. There's just one reason I guess. And I'm gonna be shameless cause only I'm reading this shit as of now. Girls. Yeah. I'm pathetic. Right? Never properly dated a girl but have high standards for my age. let's be real. Who the fuck cares about if your girl has kissed other guys in the past? I do. I fucking do. I'm 16. I like older women. Doesn't matter how old. I don't mind younger girls if they're like maybe a year younger at most. Anything more is hella weird in my opinion. I like girls. I fucking love girls. Who doesn't? And I've been unkissed. So. Is it really too much to ask for an unkissed girl? Maybe? Is it that high of a standard if I meet them? Maybe. But shouldn't you have high standards? What if no one meets them? Surely someone will. Right? I've had fucking tons of talking stages. And I've stooped low in my opinion. I've been called fairly good looking. I'm not that tall. Pretty short for a guy. And I have high standards. Maybe I fucking do oh shit. But like. Cmon. I deserve this right? Like. True love and shit. I'm just so fucking lonely I don't even know what I'm writing at this point. Should I write more. Will writing more give it more meaning? Like a crazy thought appeared like what if I unanimously post this on a website online. And it like gets tons of views and reviews. I mean. Probably more people have done this before now that I think of it. Aaahhh wtf am I thinking. I've been writing. Right? Should I stop now? Cause. Surely it has a meaning now more than before. The very fact that I wrote this. Gives it meaning? Cause like if I never wrote this shit it would've never existed. Hence giving it no meaning. But it exists now. A virtual copy of what I was and am thinking. Cause like ah I can't say it. Man fuck. Uh. Like since it has meaning. Does it need a name. What would sound cool. Why give it a name. I really want to post this huh. If you're reading this you're either on my phone or I posted this. The latter is unlikely tho. Not in a million years would I have enough confidence to do that. Matter of fact I've been thinking of deleting this shit after I complete writing. I've never wrote to thei extent before in my life. And it's faster than writing on paper. And who even cares about writing on paper. I would have so many errors and shit. It would look disgusting too probably. And my handwriting is like the cherry on top to make it shittier. So like. I wrote. Not on paper but I still wrote. Typed? Probably a better way to say that but I'm not gonna edit every "wrote" into "typed" cuz it's my fucking raw thoughts. And I got autocorrect here in case idk the spelling of words. Well. I gotta do better man. I'm out here tweaking over not getting a girlfriend. Dang. There's people having it worse than me. And it's their fate. So this is my fate. To get no bitches. Man I hate using the term bitches for girls when I'm speaking like so I just imagine non existing people. Cause like just calling every woman bitches is weird asf and shit. Man I wrote a lot of shit. I'll quit. But I wanna write more. What is this yk. Like. Once you start writing. You wanna write more. And like express more. Even if there's no guarantee that anyone will see this later. I know I'll see this shit every time I open my notes now. The next time I open my note. Will it be to write again. Or to write some essentials. Cause I only opened it when I needed it. Do I need it right now? Did I open it cause I needed it? I probably did right? Cause I wanted to talk to someone. And that someone was me. I guess.. and like. I wanna tell this girl that she upset me. And we ain't even dating so I don't know how to say that. And like I've been fucking swallowing my pride and just texting first each time. She seems sweet enough. And unkissed apparently. But like. Lowk if you don't wanna talk. I'm. Wait no. I'm not gonna text her now. Or invite her on games when she's online. Cause. I gotta have self respect right? But I've been fucking stabbing my self respect for the past months and shit. Just going lower and lower just to talk. And she out here not caring for shit. Ababajckrke ifjeicidxbsjd I can't spell for shit I'm tweaking man. Anything else I wanna say? Man fuck you. Not anyone in particular just fuck you. And getting back at what I was saying earlier. I wanted to communicate with someone. And when that someone isn't the someone. I'm communicating myself. I'm going insane like. Woah. Is this normal. To just. Do this. It's not right? I ain't heard of my friends do it. People say write if your thoughts are like congested or what's the fucking word. If it's like scrambled. Write it down. But like my writing is also fucking scrambled. I'm joining multiple parts without like paragraphs or pages. I'm just dumping everything. And maybe that's what it means to write. Cause. It's kind of. Good. It feels better. To just speak. Like. Just write. Whatever the fuck I wanna cuz. Who's judging? I am. I'm fucking judging myself. I'm like. This is some corny shit bro. But I'm writing. It's corny. But it works. It's cringe. But It is making my thoughts more clearer. It's doing better. Anyways. I gotta end this shit somehow so. Right. Peace? I wanna make the ending hella cool. Like. Farewell my note. Bruh that sounded cringe as fuck. What am I an anime character? Ah hell nah fuck this shit. To live is to suffer. To find meaning in suffering is life. Why did I write something I heard from a quote. To sound cool. Probably. Am I cool? I'm seeking validation. I used to be funny I think. People used to enjoy talking to me? But like. Now I just speak and type so fast. No one keeps up with my bullshit and yapping and blabbering and shit. Fuck this. I'm out. Like. Out as fuck.