A full day of working next to Lalisa and pretending they never kissed was all Roseanne could take. It wasn't just the kiss they were ignoring. Lalisa had taken to being so polite, Roseanne didn't know how to talk to her. Instead of mutual jabs and giving each other a hard time in the enjoyable way they did, there was something worse than silence. There was small talk. Formality.
Mashing the elevator button, Roseanne slid in with a few other people from the office. Other than a good morning muttered between sips of her triple mocha frap, she couldn't will herself to exchange any more pleasantries. Who knew tearing into Lalisa's pantyhose would make her susceptible to so many shallow interactions?
When Chin Dimple asked her if she was going to Taco Tuesday for lunch with the rest of the mouth breathers, she hit her limit. Instead of turning down the corridor leading to her office, she made a sharp right and followed the maze to the law library.
Law library was far too generous a term, especially compared to the classic handsomeness of the dark wood furniture and thousands of tomes present in the main building. In the little DV office, their library was a glorified broom closet with just enough space for a single round table that couldn't seat more than six.
Roseanne was happy for the meager offerings if it meant not being tormented by Lalisa's doe eyes broadcasting her every emotion. It was too much to take.
She should have turned back when she saw the sliver of light under the door, but she only connected its significance after it was too late.
The library wasn't empty like she expected. No, of course not. Why would the universe pay her such a kindness as solitude?
At the sound of the opening door, Lisa glanced over her shoulder. She'd been staring at one of many papers taped to the bookshelves.
"Is it your intention to have every inch of this office covered in Lee's personal affairs?" Roseanne asked, instantly regretting the sharp edge in her tone. Ugh, since when did she care about playful taunting? Was she turning into the kind of person who made comments about the weather to strangers?
When Lalisa's lip twitched, Roseanne's chest ached. She'd gotten the joke.
"I figured I'd share the beauty of my interior design with the world," she replied before apparently thinking better of it. Lalisa cleared her throat and averted her eyes.
The silence cut between them like a blizzard roaring in through a shattered window. Roseanne clutched the last bit of warmth to her chest and refused to let it go out.
"Have you found anything new?" Roseanne asked, shoving her hands in her jacket pockets.
"Not yet," she admitted, "but I just know there's something here. It's not like this is Hannibal Lecter we're talking about. He's not an evil genius."
"I didn't intend for this to take so much of your time," Roseanne replied, uncomfortable with how much work she'd put into something that wasn't hers. "You're supposed to be backing me up, not going HAM on this, plus I looked through this stuff all night. I didn't see anything weird. It's the same boring purchases you'd expect. Fast food, groceries, gas, dry cleaning, dog food. . ."
Lalisa smiled, exposing her dimples as she looked down before scratching the back of her neck. Roseanne preferred the days when Lalisa opted for glasses instead of contact lenses.
When Lalisa's gazed returned, her face was flushed with color. "When have you known me to half ass anything? I'm full ass or bust."
Roseanne smirked. "You should put that on a bumper sticker."
"I wonder how many I'd sell," she joked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "And anyway, eventually I'll need your help on my trials. I mean. There's only the five of us, so. . ."
Lalisa's dark hair was distractingly glossy under the harsh fluorescent bulbs buzzing above them. Her skin was almost bronze in the artificial light, looking more beautiful than it had any right to be.
At some point after Lalisa's joke, Roseanne lost her sense of time and place. She was standing across the messy, round table from Lalisa, close enough to smell the aroma emanating from her Miami SAO mug.
But she was also gone. Deep in a world-shattering kiss, overcome with the kind of desire that could split atoms with its intensity. Roseanne's heart ached. It had already been a couple of days, but she'd relived it so often, she could still feel the weight of Lalisa's lips.
"Hey, you know this doesn't have to be weird, right?" Lalisa's voice was a rope around her ankle yanking her out of the clouds.
"It's not weird," she snapped defensively, even though it was so weird she could barely manage the tension in her guts.
In response, Lalisa raised her thick, but still nicely shaped eyebrows. "Really?" She chuckled, tightening the knot in Roseanne's stomach. "This is how we normally interact? All awkward pauses and averting direct eye contact?"
Roseanne was usually the one weaponizing the un-gilded truth. Being on the receiving end of a direct question was so much more of an assault than she'd ever realized.
"Do you want to talk about it? I know I ran off the other day." Lalisa looked down at her hands. "That was kind of embarrassing and childish. There's no reason we can't talk about this."
There was a softness to Lalisa she hadn't seen before. It was terrifying.
"Seriously, it's cool. We kissed. It was a one-time thing. We have to work together, and complicating that isn't a good idea. Plus, I don't want the gossip following us around for years."
Years. The word echoed in her mind as soon as she said it. Roseanne had no intention of staying a minute beyond her commitment date. Why had she said it like that?
"Right, yeah. Totally."
It was so many assurances that Roseanne doubted their veracity. Cocking her head to one side, Roseanne looked at her as she would any puzzle that needed solving. It had been Lalisa's idea to pretend the kiss never happened. Why did she look so glum about it now?
"I've got to get ready for a suppression hearing this morning, but I'd planned to work on Lee after lunch. I have to meet with Chin," Roseanne stopped herself. "I have to meet with Chris and Freddie tomorrow morning to make sure I've got final approval on the trial strategy, make sure I didn't leave anything out of discovery, and all that jazz. Do you want to work together later today since we're all cool now?" Roseanne meant it as a joke, but whether it had landed like that was unknown.
"I can't believe trial is just a few days away," she decided, looking down at her opus with her hands propped on her hips. "It's like I've been living with him for years."
Roseanne nodded. "I owe you."
She smiled. "I'm sure you'll pay it forward."
With a tight smile, Roseanne hoped she was right. No one had ever accused of her being generous or reciprocal, but as she walked out of the library, she decided maybe it was time to change that. After all, the way she used to be landed her living back at home and sleeping with the cold truth that all her relationships had been woefully superficial. A fact she only learned when life got hard and the people she thought cared about her ghosted her quick. Maybe being a little less selfish might feel better than loneliness. It certainly didn't look like it could make things any worse than they already were.
