She laid in bed for the better half of the night, staring up at the hotel ceiling and recounting every moment of the evening that had come and gone a few days earlier.
She had hadn't thought about anything else, even though they had packed their bags, left that city, and performed another show- all she could think about was her son.
It had started with her conversation with Nash and ended with an argument with his father, who was never truly afraid to tell Stevie exactly what he thought.
She was defeated and it happened after every single visit. It was a feeling of immense guilt that would eat away at her and the one person she thought was supposed to be in her side never was.... Mick never made her feel better, not in situations like that, at least.
He had told her, after the show, when he barged into her dressing room, that she was a selfish woman... Actually he called her the most selfish woman and reminded her that she had always been that way. But that was very usual for them at that point in their lives.
Mick had always blamed her for their sons constant need and inability to get up on his own two feet, even though she didn't feel like that was the case, not totally. Of course, they were spoiled- both of her children were, but she didn't feel like that was the main root of their issues...
But of course, since Stevie didn't cave, Mick did and he wrote him a small check- no where near the twenty grand he was asking for, but enough to get Nash off his back. And even though it was hard for her, she nearly begged Mick to just cancel the check... They couldn't keep falling for that game over and over again.
Nash didn't need money- he needed help, but he would never admit it, nor allow his mother to provide it. She would pay for his rehab, she'd get him a car, she'd help him with a job, but she wouldn't be the source of his negative actions any longer.
She couldn't do it and even though she wanted to protect him, she didn't know how anymore and that's enough to destroy any mother.
So, she was up all night long- the third night in a row and just as the sun was beginning to rise, there was a knock on the door outside her hotel room.
She knew it was Lindsey- he always came on their days off in hopes to spend a little extra time with her, and since she'd been awfully discounted the last couple of days, she knew he'd want to talk about it... He always wanted to talk about it.
"I'm coming." She half mumbled, throwing both legs over the edge of the bed.
Once her feet hit the carpet, she pushed herself up, leaving behind a messy bed to trail through the room. She had to stop by the mirror in the entrance to fluff her long hair, trying to make herself look a little bit better than she felt, but it was never with easy with him... He could see right through that.
"Good morning, pretty girl." Lindsey was standing in the doorway, holding two cups of coffee and a single red rose...
He was not an overly romantic man, but he knew how to make her blush when he really wanted to.
She let out light giggle- one that always seemed to melt his heart, even when he couldn't stand being around her... and that still happened for them, obviously. "Good morning, sweet man." Stevie let the door swing back, allowing him to move into her room completely. "Thank you," she let out another shy laugh when he leaned in, lips meeting hers for a quick kiss.
They might have been having an affair, but it never actually felt like that, not in any sense of the way.
He stepped through the doorway, handing over the rose so that he could take a hold of her waist. "I've missed you." Lindsey admitted, kissing her head one more time.
She sank into him for a moment, a deep sigh escaping her as the sound of the door closing behind him filled the air. "I missed you." Stevie replied, patting his arm lightly as she slowly began to pull away to lead him further into the suite.
He made himself at home- he always did. So within a couple of minutes, after some casual chitchat, he was sitting on the couch, coat off, cup in his hand and watching her move around him.
"Do you wanna talk about it...?" He wondered after a brief moment of silence had washed over them.
Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she glanced up from the compact mirror she was holding. "About what?" She was standing in the center of the room, rubbing face cream on her under eyes.
She was still in her pajamas, hair up in a clip and not a trace of makeup on her beautiful face... He always loved her, but something about that Stevie just made him weak in his knees.
He shifted on the cushion, a weak smile on his face. "I heard about your argument with Mick." He shrugged a shoulder lightly, wanting to water it down for her as best he could.
He had actually gone out to grab a beer with Mick the night before, and he gave his bandmate the total rundown of his rocky relationship with Stevie, which wasn't all that shocking.
It was no secret, not to anyone around them, that Stevie and Mick were not fans of one another, not anymore at least.
"Gosh," Rolling her eyes, she shook her head as she dropped the mirror down on the coffee table. "He's a pain in the ass, Lindsey." She mumbled, adjusting her nightgown as she let out the most defeated sigh.
It was overwhelming, it really was.
"It's just all too much." She continued, already feeling the sting of tears in her eyes.
Reaching out gently, Lindsey grabbed ahold of the hem of her nightgown from across the table. "Hey," he smirked, pulling it lightly to get her to come around to him. "Get over here." His voice was so gentle, wanting to remind her that she didn't have to get too defensive with him... He understood.
She frowned lightly, slowly falling down onto the couch next to him and curling up in his arms.
"Are you okay?" He whispered, looking down at her as he used one hand to push some loose hair out of her face.
Her eyes grew weak, and then her plump lips curled gently. "I don't know what I did wrong, Lindsey." It took a split for those thick tears to fall down her red cheeks. "He hates me." She shrugged, forehead meeting his chest as she felt his hand dance cross her waist.
Shaking his head, Lindsey tried to sympathize. "He doesn't hate you, baby." He knew Nash didn't hate his mother, even if he wanted to- Stevie was his everything.
Those two kids would have had nothing if it weren't for the sacrifices she'd made along the way and one day, they would realize it.
"Will you hold me?" She whispered, hand running up and down his chest. "I just need you for awhile..." she added, heart feeling heavier than normal.
Sliding his hand from her upper back to her hips, he gave her curve a soft squeeze. "Let's lay down, okay?" He knew every time she hashed it out with Mick, she was the one left hurt in the end.
Nodding her head, she sat there for a second and watched as he got comfortable on his side, making enough room for her to curl in next to him.
And she knew it was wrong- having an affair was always wrong, but it also felt right in so many ways. He was a safe haven for her and she was an anchor for him. Even in a world where they couldn't seem to find their way to one another, they always had each other... It wasn't easy, but it didn't feel hard either.
She sank down with him a second later, wrapping her arms around him as he did the same to her. "When are they coming?" She whispered, index finger making invisible circles on his cotton tee- shirt.
He pursed his lips to the side, a deep sigh filling the air, even though he didn't mean to sound so unenthused. "They'll be here tonight."
Closing her eyes, she started chewing on her bottom lip. "I love you," she told him, hand meeting his cheek gently.
Twisting his fingers in her hair softly, he leaned down to kiss her head. "I love you, Steph."
