Healing Sunshine

Chapter 8.2 - Shape of My Heart

"I watched a bit of it. It's about a young girl and an old guy. You know I like young, handsome guys. The age difference was too big, and nothing struck a chord with me when I watched it—but I still think that for sure it can't be bad if my little uncle likes it. It must be that I just don't know how to appreciate it."

While Somi continued rambling on, Lalisa imperceptibly repeated the song another time, her heart already feeling restless.

What sort of movie was it? When she got back, she would have to watch it.

She let her thoughts go about rather randomly for a while. When she tuned back in to listen, the song was already nearing its end. By chance, one line drifted into her ears: "If I told you that I loved you, you'd maybe think there's something wrong..."

If I really do tell him that I like him, he'll definitely think, too, that something must have gone wrong.

Lowering her head, Lalisa stared at the blue track time display that was ticking away on the CD player. Inexplicably, she remembered how, on a certain winter day, he had returned and, as she stood on the snowy ground, staring blankly, said to her "What are you doing with your head down? Looking for gold?" Then, she had turned around to see him standing behind her, so tall, dressed in a button-up shirt. And his jacket was draped on her shoulders.

At the time, she had only been eleven years old.

Something must have gone wrong. She had never felt anything towards boys her age. Even with Bo-min's subtle and not-so-subtle hints every time, or the occasional love letter that those boys within her orchestra team would bring her and the phone calls they would make to her, she would play dumb and brush over all of them.

"Friend Lili, how can you be spaced out even when you're listening to a sad English song?" Somi gave her a nudge. "You're thinking about Bo-min, aren't you? That boy's honestly sparing no effort trying to woo you. The only thing he hasn't done is pull his heart out for you."

Lalisa frowned. "I don't like him."

"Huh? Don't like him?" Somi found this odd. "Why? There are tons of girls who like him."

Lalisa did not speak.

"Just look. Once you start getting more questions, you stop talking again."

Lalisa gave her a resigned glance of frustration.

She actually had not had such an aversion at first to this person, until one time she went on Somi's date with her to keep her company. The few of them were watching a movie in the cinema. She had just finished a popsicle and wanted to grab a napkin to wrap the leftover stick. Unexpectedly, Bo-min had nonchalantly taken the stick out of her hand, and then she had watched as Bo-min put the stick in his mouth and clamped it between his teeth.

From that time onwards, Lalisa had felt uncomfortable all over, and if she could avoid him, she would.

Friday night.

Lalisa got the disc from Somi and watched that entire film.

This truly was a story about an older guy who was a hitman and a young girl, who had lost all her family, and the hazy, ambiguous love between them. She wore her headphones to watch. At the end, Leon had gotten vengeance for the little girl and then, amid an earth-shattering explosion, he closed his eyes. She wept as she watched this, and moreover, her sobs were so hard she could not catch her breath. Because the teacher who had introduced her to art was someone who liked colour, she had always had a habit where every book or movie would in the end leave some colour in her heart.

And this film was like its theme song: in the gray, there was a splash of brilliant colour. When she finished watching it, she felt very sorrowful. The entire time, she had struggled over one question: did that hitman ever love the young girl?