Deceitful Hearts

Chapter 2

No no no no NO 

My brother. My precious brother was slumped against his office chair, his hair covering his face, arm hanging losely on the side and a deep cut on his wrist which was still dripping blood. A pool of blood was already formed on the floor and the amount indicated that we were late. A little too late. 

A sob escaped my mouth as I rushed towards him and knelt near him placing pressure on his wrist. 

"B-bahi…. Bahi!" I swiped his hair from his face as I tried to do anything, anything for him to talk to me. I shook him, hugged him, begged him to open his eyes but he was silent. Too silent. My brother would never ignore me. Never. 

"Bahi please… open your eyes! Please. I promise I won't annoy you anymore.I prom-" It was impossible for me to finish my sentences, at this point I didn't even knew what I was saying, the tears were running uncontrollably down my face, my hands and dress were covered in his blood, but my shaking hands were still patting his face, trying to wake him up. 

It was when strong arms wrapped around my waist to pry me off my brother that I started thrashing almost violently.

 "No, no, no, bahi! Bahi!-" I turned my head towards Hamad, my vision blurred because of my tears, "Call the ambulance!" 

But he didn't listen to me instead just shook his head, expression soft and hands trying to control me. I knew too at the back of my mind that it was late but every part of me was in denial. I turned towards Hamad, his arms were still around my waist, holding me tightly as if he knew I would fall any moment. 

"Why aren't you calling the ambulance?! Please, I beg you!"

 
It was like talking to a stone, even when I landed small tired punches on his chest. Instead he just pushed my head towards his chest and held me tightly as I shook with helplessness and sobbed uncontrollably. 

"We cannot do anything, amore mio." And that was the last thing I heard before succumbing to darkness that looked too inviting. 

*** 

It was a week after dad's accident. I was sitting near at the stairs of the porch, my head clutched tightly between my hands as it pained but the tears were still dripping slowly down my eyes. It was as if they were never ending. My mind continuously played a video of our lives when we were a whole family, sometimes of happy occasions and sometimes of sad. Nothing would be the same again. 

Mama was already looking very sick in a week. It was as if our life had been a smooth paper and somebody just crushed it. And one knows no matter how much you try to straighten that crumpled paper, it doesn't go back to its original shape. 

A comforting hand on my shoulder broke me out of my thoughts and I looked upwards at my brother. 

"What are you thinking?" He smiled a little as he sat down beside me. 

"Bahi, I just miss baba. What are we going to do now? How will everything ever be okay again? I just see darkness in front of me."

He wrapped his one hand around my shoulders. 

"I know I can't fill Baba's space but I'll hold our family together, Amara. Soon you'll start to think positively. You'll always have me by your side as we try to make mama and Aimal better. My champ, you cannot give up hope. Aren't we both a team? We have to face this challenge together."

 
"You'll always be with me. Promise?" I asked him. 

"Yes I promise, sis." He said as he wiped my tears. 

"You have to make a pinky promise though." 

***

"I realized today why you didn't make that pinky promise and only laughed at that. You knew you were lying and that you'll also leave me alone. Bahi, I feel so lonely. So lonely. You must have also felt lonely in your hard time that you decided to take this step. Why bahi? You should have shared your problems with me and I would have tried my best to be there for you. I am sorry. So sorry." 

My tears made the grave wet along with the rain that had been going on for a day, I clutched a little sand of my brother's grave in my hand and cried. It's been three days since my brother's funeral and all I wanted was to die too. 

"How can you do this to me? You said we were a team. You know mama is so unwell. I don't know what to do. I don't how to hold us together like you did after Baba's death. I can't do it. I can't. And I am also not promising you that I'll survive through this. I won't promise. I won't."

I stopped talking as I felt the rain stop suddenly. Looking up, I realised it was Hamad standing with an umbrella extended over my head. His eyes soft as he spoke,

"We need to talk."

***

"What are you trying to say?" I gaped at him in disbelief. We were sitting in his car which was parked near the graveyard and having the talk he wanted. 

"You asked me, why would he do this? And I am telling you, he won't. No matter how hard the circumstances must have been for him, we both know Saif wasn't the one to give up hope and kill himself." He replied, looking straight in my eyes. 

I couldn't held his gaze as I spoke, it always felt like he was able to read me like an open book and anyway eye contacts weren't my cup of tea,  

"You think somebody killed him?"

"Yes."

"How can you be so sure? I noticed he looked tired and exhausted and and upset before- before" 

Unable to complete my sentence, I traced my bracelet, which contained beads with initials of our names connected with a red bead since we were unable to find a heart shaped bead, with my fingers trying to hold myself together. I can't keep breaking down when both mama and Aimal were mine to hold and support. 

"Amara." I refuse to look up. He can say what he wants without looking in my eyes, I was listening. 

"Look at me." 

A few seconds later I moved my head towards him and whispered a small what. 

"You know that he won't do this. And at that time you didn't notice but I did. Saif had some bruises on his wrist and near his head as if someone had fought him before setting him up." 

Oh God. Did you felt a lot of pain, bahi? 

"But- the police would have said something if this was the case." I sniffled trying to be brave but at the same time not having enough strength to continue this conversation. 

Hamad's face softened further as if he knew it was getting harder for me to have this conversation. 

"Amore-" that was the second time he was using that endearment and my eyes widened a little. 

Noticing my discomfort, he cleared his throat and said, 

"Amara, it's so easy to have any person in your pocket by just giving a little amount of money. But let's just end this conversation here. You should head home, eat and rest a little. Whenever you're ready to talk further about this. Call me." 

When we returned home, I checked up on mama, and gave her food and medicines. She had grown silent since the last few days, mostly talking in single words and staring out of her bedroom window for hours as if waiting for her son and husband to show up. Aimal was with Faiz at his house and I was glad that she had somebody to hold her and comfort her. 

That night I laid in bed staring at the 'light in the dark' stars covered ceiling that me, Aimal and Saif made together and thought over Hamad's words.

What if he was right?

Then what? Was I brave enough to fight for him and provide him justice? Where would we start? 

At the end, it won't bring my brother back. But would he want me to take this step? Or continue with our lives as if his life hadn't been stopped by someone who had no right to do so? 

And by five a.m, as a restless sleep took me in it's embrace, I had my answer.