Mind your mind

A change will drive you insane

I don't understand this situation anymore.

I mean it was never easy to understand, but right now it's just a complete mess.

I'm getting hot and sweaty just writing about this stuff because it makes me feel nervous.

HE makes me feel nervous.

I don't get why we still feel this need to force each other to go out together, to see one another when clearly we don't feel comfortable around each other anymore.

We used to sit on a bench and talk for hours.

Literally hours without doing anything in particular and we both were totally fine with that because we only needed each other's company.

But now when we go out and we sit down, he doesn't want to talk. He starts to stand up and tell me to walk a bit and he goes on and on until I agree, which is something that makes me furious.

Why can't we just sit and talk about completely random stuff like we used before? Is it that difficult? I don't understand.

He changed too much.

I mean, obviously he had already changed, but if before I used to see a glimpse of the boy I used to love (or still love, I don't even know), now I can't see him anymore.

All I see is a guy who suddenly likes to party hard with his friends and even smoke a couple of cigarettes with them, when just a while ago he used to hate all this kind of stuff.

A good book and a relaxing Michael Jackson's song were enough to make him happy.

A good few hours with his sister were enough to make him feel proud of himself.

A few minutes spent with his best friend were all spent as if they were the last minutes of his own life.

 What happened to him?

Is it my fault?

I don't even know if I'll be able to answer these questions ever.