Jackson Wang : Dopamine

Chapter 5

The next morning, Jackson woke up on a cloud, still wrapped in the euphoria of the night before. His evening with Jia had been perfect, far beyond what he’d expected. Jia was everything he desired, yet it felt deeper than that. He’d felt desire for other women before, but never with this intensity. What he felt for Jia was more complex, a strange mix of fascination and tenderness. He admired her courage to leave everything behind for Korea, her grace in every movement, and the way she challenged him without ever losing her mystery. She was like a puzzle—captivating and unpredictable, as if she were playing for her own audience.

Jackson was burning with the urge to text her, to plan another date. Coffee cup in hand, he reached for his phone, a smile on his face as he imagined her reaction. But before he could type anything, a notification from Twitter caught his attention. He knew he should ignore it, but curiosity got the best of him. He clicked, diving into the reactions. Some comments were positive, but others... he quickly came across critiques of his performance. Some thought the dark aesthetic of Magic Man was overdone; others felt he was straying too far from what fans knew of him. A few even speculated about marketing strategy, questioning the sincerity of his artistic change.

"Marketing strategy? Seriously?" he thought, his eyebrows furrowing, as he read aloud one of the harsher comments:

— He's just trying to play the rebel, but it’s so forced.

As he read, Jackson felt a wave of guilt rise within him, even though, deep down, he knew he hadn’t held back. He understood that not everyone would grasp the authenticity of his artistic path, but it still stung. Seeing some people judge his choices pushed him into a moment of introspection. It wasn’t like him to be so affected by criticism, and yet, here he was, wondering if he should’ve spent more time in rehearsal instead of going out.

He took another sip of coffee, but it no longer offered its usual comfort. Instead, he felt a burning need to prove the critics wrong, to show he could be even better while staying true to himself. Part of him wanted to go back to the studio, even if it meant exhausting himself further. He knew he had to keep moving forward and not let this get him down, but the idea of not being enough clung to him like a shadow he couldn’t shake.

He rose from his kitchen chair, deciding to put off the message to Jia for later, and decided to start his day with a boxing session.

***

Each punch landed hard, almost in rhythm with the pace of his thoughts. He wanted to release the stress that had built up, his fists hitting the bag with determination.

“You seem a bit tense today, huh?” asked Marc, his training partner, watching him with concern.

“I’m good. Just a bit of stress,” Jackson replied, catching his breath, his fists still clenched.

He kept his tone steady, but he couldn’t deny that the pressure of a solo career was sometimes heavier than in the early days. Still, Jackson knew he was lucky to be doing what he loved, and to be doing it his way. After all, what mattered was staying true to himself, even if not everyone followed.

Marc patted his shoulder with a grin. “Good thing you’re here to let it out. This energy suits you.”

Sweat dripped, and a wave of doubt washed over him. He knew he couldn’t please everyone, but it was stronger than him—the stress gnawed at him, and the only way to shake it off was to punch even harder.

***

After his session, he headed to the studio, the familiar scent of music lingering in the air. Sitting in front of the piano, he intended to compose something new, something that captured the intensity of his night with Jia and the way she had shaken up his mind.