Broken Speed | Verstappen & Leclerc

07 | new emotions

-|- Bahrain -|-

Yesterday had been pretty amazing, something I would have never said before this weekend. The boys and I slept in, then cuddled another hour on the big double bed before we had made us ready for the qualifying.

At the paddock we first grabbed food, me too as I was starting to eat a little bit again. We then had watched the qualification, seeing how Daniel managed to get a P6 with Checo P8 while both Ferraris were further up.

The kids were beaming and shouting, I even had to turn them down a little as we were still in the RedBull area and they were cheering for the red cars. But Carlos and also Charles simply had a great performance, putting their cars on P3 and P2 while Lando took pole position.

Although the kids wanted to go and see Charles after the session, I told them he was too busy and we went back to the hotel. He surely was but I also had seen him with his girlfriend, so I didn't want Luka and Lio to bother him while having her around.

We then went out in the evening, something we hadn't done in a very long time, something we hadn't done ever since they lived with me. I also ate some small pasta as my stomach was still not very comfortable with food, but better little then nothing.

Back at the hotel I then read them a story before they fell asleep in my arms. It was also one of the first nights were I slept properly, hadn't had a nightmare, so I was quite recovered for today, race day.

It was already quite late as the kids and I were dressed. As I had no media appointment today, other then yesterday, I was allowed to wear something else then a RedBull shirt, which I happily did. 

I just didn't feel comfortable in them anymore, too wide, hanging over my skinny body, reminding me of how my body had changed. So today I wore some dark chilled pants together with a white hoodie.

The kids also were dressed quite nicely, even though Luka wanted to wear a red shirt, I luckily managed to get him to wear something more neutral. It surely wasn't okay to be in the RedBull garage, wearing to color of the rival, while they were performing so much better then the own team.

Luckily he understood that and so now, an hour later, we were on the balcony again. Christian also offered us to watch the race from the garage, but I didn't want to. First, there would be so many people looking at me, even asking questions, and also the TV camera was often pointed their on the wives and girlfriends, or third drivers like myself.

Second, it was too busy for two small children and I didn't want them to be overwhelmed. And third and last, seeing their eyes when a fast car went by, there was no better feeling as a parent and from the garage this simply wouldn't be possible.

"Charles is in the front row, right?" Luka beamed as he climbed onto my lap as I was sitting on the sofa on the balcony again.

"He is, right next to the orange car, Lando Norris." I returned and brushed some hair out of his face, "Are you gonna root for him?"

"Who? Norris?! No, I'm gonna cheer for the red car, for Charles!" the boy laughed and clapped his hands, wanting to jump up and join his brother at the glass railing again, but I held him back.

"You and Lio like him, hm?" I asked, not sure what my intention was with that.

But probably I just had these questions in mind as I was thinking too much about it myself, about my own feelings towards the Monegasque. Before the accident, before my life had changed, before all that, there had been a moment where I thought there was something between us.