What does it feel like to have a parent who helps you grow not just physically, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? A parent who is always there for you, no matter what happens— like the safest sanctuary when you are at the lowest point of yourself. A parent who is willing to protect you from the harms caused by the brutal world around us. Isang magulang na kahit may marami kang pagkakamaling nagawa ay mahal ka pa rin nang buong-buo.
I have always dreamed, since childhood and up until now, of having a parent like that since I didn't get to experience that with my younger sister. Instead, we experienced the opposite of what we had hoped for and dreamed of.
"Selene!" tawag ni Mama sa akin mula sa sala nang pumasok ako sa loob ng bahay. Kagagaling ko lang sa paaralan kaya sobrang pagod ako ngayon 'tapos may trabaho pa ako mamayang gabi! I was really exhausted this time, but I need to resist the temptation to just lie down on the bed and sleep because I have a lot of tasks to complete.
I took a deep breath before looking at her. "Bakit po, Ma?" I lazily asked as my eyes started to feel heavy with sleep.
She came near where I was and smiled sweetly at me, but I knew what was really behind that pleasant aura of hers. But I just pay no mind to that; she's my mother after all.
"May extra ka bang pera diyan?" She asked as if she hadn't scolded me this morning for being such a burden to her life even though she didn't provide me with any centavos for my school needs.
"Binigyan ko naman kayo ni Hector kahapon, Ma, ah. Saka may marami pa kasi akong babayaran sa school. Mukhang sa susunod na araw na lang po, if may marami na akong raket." I replied as respectfully as I could.
But, it was as if my patience has been tested hard since she started to get pissed at my response. "Kahit 500 lang, wala ka? Paano na ang panghapunan natin ngayon? Wala na rin tayong bigas! Ubos na ang perang kinita ko sa labada dahil naningil ng utang si Terisita kaninang tanghali. Buo ko siyang binayaran dahil magrereklamo na naman 'yon sa barangay kapag hindi pa mababayaran!" Nakapamewang niyang lintaya pagkatapos ay naghugot ng sigarilyo't lighter sa kaniyang bulsa at sinindihan iyon.
I mentally sighed at the sight of her making it a habit of smoking close to me and my sister despite knowing that one of her daughters is suffering from heart disease and asthma. And does she know that it is more dangerous when someone inhales a second-hand smoke? Magkaparehas talaga silang dalawa ng asawa niyang si Hector!
Hindi ko na lamang iyon pinansin ang kaniyang paninigarilyo sa harapan ko dahil wala naman dito si Claire at nandoon sa kwarto niya. "Ang laki naman po ng 500 para sa hapunan natin, Ma." I complained since the money she wanted to have was too much for our needs. Dapat ay magtitipid muna kami ngayon dahil may marami pang mga pangangailangan ang kailangang tustusan ng pera.
"'Yong asawa mo, Ma, nasaan?" Agad akong napatanong dahil pansin kong siya lang mag-isa rito sa sala. "Baka may extrang pera 'yon kahit panghapunan lang natin."
Hector was my stepdad and the biological father of Claire since my dad left my mom after he got her pregnant. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit niya kami iniwan, eh. Iniwan niya siguro kami dahil sumakop na ng ibang babae, may lahi pa naman 'yong Espanyol!
Kaya naghanap si Mama ng lalaking maging katuyang niya sa buhay, and guess what? It was Hector! The man has the habit of smoking and drinking despite her daughter's illness. He also gambles all his money from construction even when he always loses and barely wins. Mas mabuti sana kung ipangbili niya lang ng mga importanting pangangailangan sa bahay o pangmatrikula ng kaniyang anak sa paaralan.
He treated us both like someone he didn't know, and that action was the main reason why I don't call him 'father'—not even once—because he doesn't deserve to be called that since hindi niya pinangangatawanan ang posisyon na iyon bilang padre de pamilya.
