the truth

old habits die screaming

I'm good enough for you, do you see me the way I see myself, would you believe me if I told you I smile because I hurt, what if I told you I'm not okay? You wouldn't believe me, you would say to me I'm faking it. I know you, but you don't know me, you don't know that I went through hell, people ask me "What happened to the girl you were?" I gutted that Person from the inside out. You say I am weird but just as odd as your friend. You say I'm insane but I'm just as sane, you say my depression is an excuse, but I would give anything to fashion normally. I come out and you say you support me but I know you're lying I can hear it in your voice. I would care as much if you told me the truth. You say I lied but I've tried more times than you can count. I was clean until you threw your sticks and stones at me. You say I'm in the wrong when I try to stand up for what I believe in. You are not a good person and you lie more than me. You tell me these things to try and manipulate me but in all reality when you do these things I turn around and come back to you, if I had a scar for every time you hit me with your sticks and stones, white, I do. Every time you put me down, you tell me something I already think, what you tell me is what gets told to me by myself. You think you have it back because of your problems, try having mine, having depression is living in a body that fights to survive but having a mind that fights to die. You might know that, but not like me, you think you have it bad, try seeing my life, you say you're not okay, I'm not okay because of you, you made me live this, this is your fault. You may ignore it, but you are a mean person, all I was, was a victim. In your murder spree. I'm not making you anything except me, but I'm asking you to tolerate me. There is so much pain in the question Are you okay, for a moment someone noticed the gange in your face for a moment someone saw your mask fade away, and for a moment you realized you were never Okay. you make me cry, you make me think that I'm the enemy, Nothing hurts more than trying your absolute best and still not being good enough. You can walk a day in my shoes, and then after that, you can judge me. The truth is, they don't see what hurts you, till it kills you. I wish I was like you. Normal, not scared of the world. You don't get to tell me about sad.

All's fair in love and hurt

sincerely,

Leo, the chairman of the Tortured Authors department.