Surviving Us

Part Two: The Will to Love

I cried all the way back to my camper, holding on to my stomach, because how could I end someone's life for him and stand over their burning bodies and still not be enough for him to tell me the truth. I just wanted to know what happened. I deserved to know especially considering how it looked.

I thought back to Margie's warning and how she worded everything about him. She had said he had skeletons in his closet and now I wondered if she was being literal or metaphorical. Part of me wanted to go back and snoop and find out. The other part was genuinely scared for my own safety.

I crashed into my couch and let the tears fall. I would have to leave him alone for my own good. He was bad for my mental health, no matter how much I loved and felt like I needed him. No matter how much my body craved him. I needed to do what was best for me, for once. And that was going to be the hardest thing I'd ever do.

I laid in bed for two days straight, only getting up to sit on the couch and drink a beer and smoke a cigarette. I had heard helicopters overhead and ignored them completely. I had ignored when I heard trucks go by, trucks that I had assumed were Margie and Wade's trucks. Every time I heard a truck pass that didn't stop, a little part of me ached that no one had stopped in to check on me. Margie hadn't, Wade hadn't. Even though, I hadn't wanted him to on the surface, deep down, I wanted nothing more than for him to stop and at least try to explain. At least see if I was okay or needed anything. I hadn't regretted moving out there, as I felt like it was the best thing for my safety but at that moment, I had regretted moving to that particular spot and had seriously considered finding another location. I grabbed my phone off the floor and noticed all the weather warnings.

-Severe Thunderstorm Warning. Tornado Watch.-

I looked at the time. Then I drug my feet to the door and opened it to look out, only to see the dark clouds, and apparently what I thought was trucks, was thunder. I sucked in a deep breath. Would I even be safe in a tornado in a camper, under twenty trees?

"Shit," I said out loud, remembering my solar panels. I needed to cover them so they'd be protected in case of hail or falling debris. I checked the radar to see how much time I had. I tried pulling my weather app up, and it took what seemed like forever, when notifications kept popping up. Apparently, I haven't had signal for one reason or another. I had texts and voicemails from Wade and Margie and even my parents. I ignored them and decided I'd deal with that later, as more important things were on my plate right now. But my spirit had lifted from just moments before when I felt like they hadn't tried to see if I was even alive.

When I noticed the radar showed I had about ten minutes before the main weather event was coming, I ran to put my boots on, and rushed out the front door. I ran to my shed to grab the cover and tools and noticed that the lock was unlocked and opened, and my heart sank. "Fuck," I whispered. I was worried that all my preps were gone and my stomach started to churn. I walked to the front of my camper to see if my truck was still there, and suddenly wished I had brought my gun, and that's when I saw him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked when I saw Wade, standing in the drizzling rain, covering my solar panels. He looked over at me, and then kept doing what he was doing. "I asked you a fucking question," I yelled. I took another step towards him, then remembered what I saw and stopped in my tracks.

"I didn't want these to get damaged and asking you to come home with me seemed out of the question. Communications have been down, and I was afraid to knock on your door," he said. I reached to my back pocked and ran my hand over my phone that was in my pocket. I had wondered about communications, but I didn't dare ask him anything.

"I can handle it from here," I said. He didn't stop or even look in my direction.

"I'm almost done, and then I'll leave you alone," he said. I watched in silence as he finished covering the solar panels. I had so many things I wanted to say. Wanted to ask. But I didn't know what to say. I wanted him to talk, but he didn't want to.