Game of Your Mind

Zixrie

The siren of silence inside her head

"Totemo genki, Zixrie. You ace another Performance exam." My professor announced as he entered the class. Last subject this afternoon namin si Sir Ortega sa Statistics.

I get flustered by his announcement.

Kase, I'd rather celebrate my victories in private no matter how big or small it is than to expose or display it to many people. Perhaps only a few people whom I wanted to know.

"Woah Zix, congrats! Highest score ka na naman sa stats girl." Irish was grinning when she greeted me matched by her jolly and lovely vibes she's giving.

She's seated in front of me at class. I just smiled at her then listened to our professor's discussion.

"Let's call it a day, goodbye class."

Okay Zix, time to do the assigned task and clean the classroom then after it we're good to head back home.

********

My parents are not that strict on my part. Pero pag babae ay Todo protektado. Aunts from my father's side are the most strict in terms of courtship and love. Study first muna raw. Proven and tested.(Coming from professional advice's perspective kase).

They are good nman and they have the best advice in different areas of life. Sometimes it makes you think they're kinda narcissistic at the same time judgemental about other people's lives. Maybe that's just how I perceived them sometimes. They are the loveliest, at the same time.

They're like my practical life mentor. That's why I kinda find it hard to trust and make a boyfriend and also a friend. I love their overprotectiveness but sometimes it's too much for me eh. Nakakasawa ng pakinggan at para na ako mabibingi.

Here he goes again, wla nmn siyang masyadong ginagawa na nakaka enganyo pero bakit I'm affected that much by his mere presence here in our classroom. I love his presence. Dexter's presence.

Sometimes, when I'm alone, I can't help thinking about him. I ask God to help me with this kind of...feelings...? I don't have an idea how I call this.

Ugh. I have to let this go I guess. It's hacking my system and my brain chemistry. I think I'm going insane. He keeps flashing in my mind. Should I confess para ma let go nani?

My ego tells me not to. It's not so me to confess, bruh.
Hoooh. I hate this.

Phone dialing...

"Hello guyses"

"Oh bat napatwag tung si Zix HAHAHAHAHA" pang aasar sakin ni Ike.

"Shut it, Ike"

"Ayy end ko nlng itong call" he said.

"Just kidding. Ansarap mo rin kaseng mang-asar ano" I replied to Ike.

"Zix, just forget him okay?" advice ni Ella, saying as if it was that easy. Wait, Is she a mind reader? I didn't mention him so how did Ella knew about it...

"If it was that easy, she could've." Ike said on my side who's pathetically hopeless in tone.

"Then make it easy, find ways zixie. Use your fuckin brain. Ur good at that, right?" said Phyllis. Hanep din tung isang tu ah.

"Ugh this is torture, Damero. I can't even think right and focus on my acads because of this. If my family knew this, lagot talaga ako."

"Isusumbong kita kina Tito at tita haha."

"Sge subukan mo talaga Ike, isusumbong rin kita" I playfully argued back at him

"Who's that ba kase Rie, bat' parang ang lala ng impact? At bat' ka nagpapa apekto? Ayusin mo yang thoughts mo ha. Masyado kanang na bubuwang."

"Oo na Bella. Para ka ring si Mama maka advice eh no." I chuckled. Inirapan niya lang ako.

"I guess, maglinis ka nlng kaya house ng Mame mo para maibsan yang pagkabalisa mo about him. Eh wla naman siyang pake sayo. Isip ng isip ka about him eh he doesn't even think of you". Sabi ni Ike na walang ibang pakay kundi e refute ako. Maygana pang mang-utos, hanep.

"Wait kain muna ako. I'm a bit starving."

I ended the group call.

What do I need to do? Am I just overthinking It? If so help me manage this war inside of me. But is it really a war? Or is it just my silly little brain doing tricks on me? Fuck this. Oh, I'm cursing again through my mind and words.

It's just 9:20 am and I'm fucked up by this silly thoughts of mine, demo.

It's Friday and wala kaming pasok until the whole next week. There's still a lot to do and I haven't started it yet. I'm procrastinating again.

We still haven't finished our Practical Research 2 with my ka groupmates and Me as a leader is nawawalan na ng motivation to do anything.

I just wanna die. God, take me home pls. Ayoko na dito. Pick me up pls. I wanna rest na po. Sorry to think like this po, I'm too young to think like this, I just can't help it. Whatever happens, guide and protect me po. I don't think everything makes sense. I just wanna be gone. Like I don't exist.

I went outside to buy myself an ice-cream to calm myself a bit.

Tumawid ako sa kalsada, then suddenly, I heard a loud beep on the left side of the road and my eyes widened sa bumubusinang sasakyan ng marealize na papalapit ito sakin.

What.The. Fudge!!!