AU includes the shows that I'm really 'invested in'. Some are less well-known than others, and I'm including my personal 'ships': BLINDSPOT'S Repata and Jeller; AOS' MackElena/Phillinda/Dousa. and Morse/Hunter (It's possible that I'll put Daisy with...
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An AU of the time frame surrounding FBI Special Agent Natasha Zapata's confession to being in love with fellow A Edgar Reade and the aftermat
/ [Through dark and light I fight to be...So close...Shadows and lies mask you from me So close Bathe my skin, the darkness within So close The war of our lives no one can win
The missing piece I yearn to find [So close]...Please clear the anguish from my mind So close But when my truth of you comes clear So close I wish my life, I never come near...[So close]...
/
ZAPATA POV:
"I met JOEL a few years before NYPD Academy - my 'bad boys' phase...the day we met I remember thinking to myself 'Yeah, he's trouble; I'm gonna regret this: and I DID...things escalated fast after the first time we 'did it' and in my mind, I fell in love (though looking back, it was more infatuation than anything and I wasn't in the best place mentally, either. Anyways, for a year or so he and I go back and forth - break up/make up, blah blah blah. During that time he introduces me to gambling: small at first then higher stakes and ME police - vice ! That's how I got started. I'm only bringing all of this up because of an exercise that I do with my new therapist: she says that once I give myself the grace to own past mistakes and forgive myself for any wrongs - SHE deserves the lion's share of any credit where we are today.
"I've come to realize that the reason I ran from you - even though I have been in love with you since that first day. My words said 'Oh; you're my best friend;' yet I've risked my life to save yours at least four times. That alone is enough to convince Dr. Stahl - she's my therapist - that the reason for running from you was fear. Unbelievable fear at dragging you into my mudslide of a life."
READE POV:
"You did all of that. Which was the main source of my confusion. I understand now why your reaction was what it was: FEAR. If I understand you correctly fear is why you didn't pull the trigger. I've been afraid...HESITANT...so I agree 1000% with Dr. Stahl: beating yourself up: I saw it but what could I do from the friend zone ? I..."
Tasha says "You turned to Meg. In a way, that's what woke me up. At the time it was hellish but that shock to my system inspired me to finally step up. It took me too long and that night in the bar: I thought 'What can I lose?' And all I could think to do was go to your 'spot' and"-
"Jump me?" Edgar grins.
"YES, Interrupter!" she grins back. "The entire point of all of this is I want to tell you every day how much I love and value you and the life that we have. You and the babies enrich me."
"Enrich is the perfect word to describe it."
"YES, Interrupter!" she grins back. "The entire point of all of this is I want to tell you every day how much I love and value you and the life that we have. You enrich me."
