It was late, the kind of late that felt closer to dawn than midnight, and Maxwell lay alone in the quiet of his room, the pale light of his phone screen casting soft shadows on his face. He held his breath as he waited for Nathan's next message, feeling the weight of each typed word as if they were teetering on the edge of something they could never come back from.
Maxwell's phone buzzed, and he read Nathan's message, his heart catching as he tried to find the right words in response.
Nathan: I'm sorry if I'm being distant again.
Maxwell: No, it's okay, really. I didn't notice. I could tell something was off just a bit, but not really—it's fine, really. And long-distance relationships are shit. I do agree it's horrible, but I'm here for you if you feel like shit. Thank you for telling me that you feel off again. I'm here if you need to talk or if you need to feel heard. If not and you need space, I'll give you it. I want to do anything that makes you comfortable.
Nathan: I just feel so drained because I love you so much, but I can't be around you in person. It just feels like I'm missing a piece. I know where that piece is, and I can sometimes feel whole when we're having a good conversation. But then I just feel more hollow than ever.
Maxwell's heart ached at Nathan's words, a mix of helplessness and longing settling deep inside him. He wanted to reach out, to pull Nathan close, to be there in every way Nathan needed. But all he could do was type, his words falling short of the embrace he wished he could give.
Maxwell: Yeah, I understand that, and thank you for letting me know. I do understand that long-distance relationships can be tough and hard, but all we have to do is try our hardest together. If you feel upset or shit, I'm here. It can be so hard not seeing each other. Sometimes I just want you here with me, but you can't be here. I feel like we can make it together. I just think of our good moments and talks—that's what's keeping me happy. I know I'm yapping, but it's hard for me to put my words together. I hope this helps. I don't know.
Nathan: Because I've never been in a real long-distance relationship before. At most, in the past, they were an hour away, and I could get there by a metro and a long walk. I'm scared that in the future I won't be able to handle the distance.
Maxwell: I'm scared too, but I think we can do it together. We can communicate, and we can try meeting up. I love you so much as well. I'm glad you're talking to me about this—I am. You're not waffling; you're communicating to me, and I'm so glad. I love you so, so much. I know it's going to be hard because of the distance, but I hope and think we can make it through. I really do.
Nathan: No, but I mind the distance. I feel like shit because I can't be there for you, and you're so amazing. It feels like I'm holding you back from finding someone who can treat you how you deserve.
Maxwell's throat tightened. He felt a pang of frustration, but he pushed it down, knowing Nathan wasn't trying to hurt him. Nathan was struggling, too, just in a way he couldn't understand.
Maxwell: You're not holding me back. Not a single bit. You're perfect to me, and I don't understand why you like me, but you do. The situation is horrible, it really is, and you not actually being here for me—I don't mind that. I'm just happy with you listening to me and talking to me. You'd never hold me back, not at all. Please don't think that. You're perfect. I love you so much.
Nathan: I'm sorry, but these thoughts just creep into my mind, and they won't stop. I don't know if I can do long distance. We can try and make this work, but I just don't know if I'm cut out for it.
Maxwell: Don't apologize. I understand, I do. I hope we can make it out, and if not, that's okay, really it is. I love you so much. I don't mind if you're not cut out for this. I just want you to be happy, and if this isn't working for you, then please tell me. I don't want you destroying your mental health for this relationship. Your happiness is all that matters to me. I love you so much.
Maxwell's heart raced as he waited for Nathan's reply, his mind bracing itself for an answer he wasn't sure he was ready to hear. He wanted to cling to the hope that they could push through this, that Nathan's doubts would fade if only they could hold on a little longer.
Nathan: You're so understanding. I love you. You may not have been my first relationship, but you're my first real love. What do you think would be best? I don't know anymore.
Maxwell took a deep breath, choosing his words carefully. He felt like he was balancing on a tightrope, each word a careful step between reassuring Nathan and letting him go if that's what he truly needed.
Maxwell: What helps me is writing my thoughts and feelings down. It helps me get the feelings out of me, if that makes sense. But if that doesn't work, you can talk to me—I'll listen to you whenever, I promise. But if you want some space from this, you can have your space. I don't mind. I just want you to be happy and not feeling like shit. I hope this helps, but I'm here for you. Please don't bottle these feelings up until you do something... something you regret.
Nathan: Also, I did some thinking. I think I just have some issues that I can't fix while in a relationship. I need to do this on my own, or I'll never be able to survive while not in a relationship.
Maxwell's chest tightened, his breath hitching as he read Nathan's words. His fingers hovered over the screen, every part of him wishing he could say something to change Nathan's mind, to keep him from slipping away. But he knew he couldn't.
Maxwell: Does this mean we're over, or not?
Nathan: Yes. Please, please, please don't think any of this was your fault. You're such an amazing person, and I love you dearly. If it's okay with you, I'd like to stay in contact as friends. But if you don't want to, I completely understand.
Maxwell felt a wave of heartbreak and acceptance wash over him. He took a deep, shaky breath and typed out his response, each word a reluctant goodbye.
Maxwell: Oh... um... I don't mind, really. Thank you for telling me this. I love you so much. You're my first love, and I'll hold you close for a very long time. I'm sorry. You're a great person, so great, and I'm glad I met you. You're so perfect for me, but if this is what you want, I'm happy for you. I hope you can get better. I'm always here for you. I love you so much. And if you meet someone else... I hope you'll be perfect to them like you were to me.
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As the final message was sent, Maxwell's hands trembled, his heart breaking with each word. The screen went dark, his mind replaying their memories like fragile fragments slipping through his fingers. A quiet, empty silence settled around him, the weight of Nathan's absence settling into the spaces where his love had once been.
Jacky: Hey max I heard what happened you alright?
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