a little test run . bokuaka

first, some bokuaka.

here i am, getting ready to see how writing goes!

authoring time ✌️

Now, don't judge- I haven't watched Haikyuu in about a year or more, and I like to make characters more like myself because it is easier to write. (Novice here!) I know nobody will read this, but I am a human too, and I'm not so invested in canon that I won't just play with these boys and put them in situations. I love them, and if my writing sucks, well ouch! Because I'm writing this for me.

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     Alright. I know it's already sounding far too typical- words, I know, they're always present in an introduction- but bear with me here. I want to explain a little something before just diving into my whole story. The whole shebang, if you will. (Please let me know if you "won't".)

     The real important thing, well, it happened like this: I woke up in the morning, got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth, all the mundane stuff. Getting ready for school like normal, yeah? Everything was alright- and still is, really- when I was suddenly shocked to my core.

     Skipping all the getting ready, right to when I got off the bus in front of the school entrance, I saw this guy, right? From behind, but still. Bright white hair, practically burning my eyes despite the low light. Saying I was caught off guard would be a huge understatement. No hate to that guy, regardless, but I did briefly have the thought, "Is that even allowed?" I figured the answer was no, but it seems enforcement is definitely lacking. The guy was strong, though, well built- could be the actual deterrent making the rules (for him, at least) more lax at this school.

     So, yeah, I was looking at this guy, analyzing him in a way. Trying to figure out what he must be like, just imagining, really. But out of absolutely nowhere, not even a whisper in his direction, he turns to look at me, and I can feel my knees shaking on queue. This guy? Hot as hell.

     I looked away immediately, too shaken to hold his gaze. "Since when did I think guys were attractive?" I didn't know.. that was the problem. And no, I did not say that out loud. "Is there something wrong with me? Maybe I'm just being stupid," I thought, feeling a mess.

     And then I brushed it off. I wasn't sure what that whole ordeal was, at the time, so I decided to ignore it. Hide from it, essentially.

     Truthfully, there wasn't much I could do; the confusion was overwhelming, like a sudden alarm on a Monday morning, one of those days when you happen to be off from school. It almost ruined my day, but I happen to be pretty good at repressing thoughts, somehow. Don't ask about "prior experience".

     I looked up "why did I find a guy hot" on google that afternoon- yes, really, I needed answers- and everything popping up told me in bright, rainbow letters, "you're gay!" A shocker, definitely. But I didn't want to be, you know? Because that makes it hard. How could I get him.. to like me, some random guy, of all people? Let alone when he's probably straight.

     There. That's all I really needed to explain. I somehow got my gay awakening stepping out of the bus and merely making eye contact, and am entirely hopeless in getting this stupid thing to work out.

     Pardon my language, but this is the real "wrong place, wrong time" of all the bullshit in my life. If I see white hair in the hallway, even if I can't even see who it is, my heart decides to suddenly pick up the pace, and act as if I'm in need of some good old running to escape a burning building- or something! I don't know!

It just- The whole thing makes me so stupid. I don't even know the guy's name! He could be a junior, or even a senior- for reference, I'm a sophomore transfer student- so he could be gone in a matter of months, if I'm unlucky! On top of that, just thinking about the fact he exists gets my brain thinking all sorts of jumbled, cut off thoughts. These dumb feelings won't even let me finish sentences in my brain.

     Today, however, is just like any other day. A Monday. Mondays suck, but it's a normal Monday. Getting to school with this stupid problem has given me a new habit, though. Not the same routine anymore. I now make sure to wear or bring a sweater in the morning, pull the hood shut tight when I get off the bus, and keep my eyes glued to the ground. It doesn't help with the hallway situation, sadly, but it's the best I've got to keep my mind off things.

     As I'm getting off the bus today, I'm feeling anxious, as usual. It gets better throughout the day, but I always feel a small flood of emotion when I walk into my school, knowing hundreds of people are looking my way, hoping for their friends to enter next.

     But, I didn't even make it into the school building without incident. I got on the sidewalk, and up a few stairs, eyes sticking to the ground like nothing could possibly be better, when, suddenly, I get a hand right in my face! Stunned for a moment, I go a bit blank.

     "Hey!" An unfamiliar voice sounds in my ears, snapping me out of my anxiety-induced trance, of sorts.

     I see a face out of nowhere. A familiar one. Crouched down in front of me is my greatest fear- and perhaps the most embarrassing thing it could've been- that boy. The one with the shocking white hair, sticking straight up, in the weirdest, but cutest of ways.

     "Tired, eh? Not going to say hi?" He jokes, smiling right at me. The eye contact alone makes me heat up, my eyes wanting to pop right out like I've become a toaster. No way in hell is this real. Right?

     I blink, before swallowing all my doubt and replying, "Uh, no, just.. Caught off guard.." A nervous chuckle escapes me. I want to slap myself, it's the most pathetic thing that could have happened. I should've just been quiet!

     "Whoops," he laughs. "Got too excited, forgot I just put my hand in your face in the middle of you walking! I just wanted to talk to you, since we made eye contact that one time, 'cause I don't think I've seen you before. Not counting then, of course!"

     He talks so fast, it's almost mesmerizing. No stuttering at all. He sounds very confident, but not cocky, a little bit nervous, but still warm and friendly..

     "Oh, no, it's fine, haha! I transferred here this year, that's why you might not have seen me around. No worries at all.." I trail off awkwardly, inwardly wanting to scream. Why do I have to sound so stupid?!

     "By the way, you can call me my given name, Koutarou! I just realized I should have said that earlier!" He laughs, making my stomach flip. Oh, god.

     I shrug. "I guess.. you can call me Keiji, then..?"

    "..Did I just get on first name basis with a guy I like?" I blink, thinking to myself. It's insane, to me. I don't even know his family name!