Darksong's Struggle

Chapter 10

Darkpaw was exhausted as he collapsed in his nest in the medicine den. Fennelfeather had made it for him while he was gone, and he let out a sigh of gratefulness that his mentor wasn't mad at him, nor had he pushed for questions. He was just concerned for Darkpaw's innocence and young mind.

He was concerned for himself, too. The memory of Larcheye limping, Daisypaw shrieking... it kept playing in his mind. He hoped she was doing okay. And Fawnpaw. He hoped they would forgive him someday, and maybe give him a chance to explain. He doubted Tornpaw would let him apologize, and Brindlepaw wouldn't make it easy, either. He wished everything was normal. He wished he was normal. None of this would happen if it wasn't for him.

He could never wish he was never born, but why did his life have to be so difficult? He envied Quickkit and Pricklekit. He wished he could be a warrior. But he had no good reason... and the guilt of leaving Fennelfeather was killing him.

His thoughts left him restless. He didn't think it was normal. He pictured Webpaw and Brindlepaw, curled up together in their warm den. He could hear the three injured cats as they slept, making small mews of distress, as if the pain from their injuries had worked into their dreams. He wished he could silence their calls, but he couldn't do anything to help them. Only StarClan could.

If StarClan can help them, can't they help me?

Yet there were no dreams from his ancestors. He knew it was too hopeful for his own good; medicine cats received dreams, not... whatever he was. But still, would it hurt to reassure him? Tell him he wasn't useless? But there were no voices.

As dawn came, Darkpaw hadn't slept. He lifted his head drowsily, blinking the sleepy daze out of his eyes. He was still in his nest, in the SkyClan camp. It's good to be home.

He rose to his paws, feeling the energy return to them, despite his sadness. He didn't even know why he was sad. But determinition lit his heart as he heard another pained mew from Deadfrost. The warriors had gotten injured to save him; he owed it to them that he healed them and kept them well throughout the seasons, especially with the cold leaf-bare ahead. He exited the cave and into the tunnels. He'd check on the injured cats, like a responsible medicine cat apprentice would.

As he emerged into the patients' den, he saw that Tigerflower was awake, clutching her belly as she groaned. Ashleap was asleep, her tail twitching, but Deadfrost was squirming and wincing at the back of the den.

Carefully, Darkpaw picked his way around the injured cats to Deadfrost's side. She didn't appear to be awake, but was sleeping fitfully. He looked at her twisted leg, like a bended tree branch. Somethings wrong there. It looked swollen, but not in a plump way. Swollen like an injury, like a mosquito bite. He sniffed it, and was alarmed by the bittersweet stench that wafted upward. It also felt hot, but not in a warm sense. Alarmed, Darkpaw backed away.

Bracken crunched beneath his paws, and he flinched. Deadfrost stirred, her head shifting slightly. No! Keep resting! Darkpaw was certain that the patients should be resting, but how could he get her to stop waking up?

He remembered what Willowspeck had done when he was a kit; she had licked his fur the wrong way to warm him, then once he was calmer, she'd lick it the other way to soothe him. Uneasily, Darkpaw bent down and started to groom Deadfrost's fur. It was soft yet matted with dried blood, but she seemed to calm almost at once. Once she was still, he backed away, carefully avoiding the other cats.

He gasped as somebody bumped into him. Whirling around, he saw Badgersplash. The dark gray she-cat blinked at him with her young, round eyes.

Badgersplash was a much younger warrior, only made a warrior a moon before Darkpaw became an apprentice. She was gentle yet fierce, with a strong spirit. Her father was Echostar, and her mother was Deadfrost. That must be why she's here.