Sam
The woman who I never thought of seeing again was standing right in front of me, her hair was in a short bob, a tight floral dress and high heels. We were exactly the same height, we even had similar features but she was lightskin instead.
"You've grown so much, sweetie" she whispered and tried to reach for my face so I took a step back away so I don't have to feel her touch.
"Don't call me that"
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Sam. I know I screwed up" she apologized, I pushed my hair behind my ear and looked at the woman in front of me, Faye, was her name. A name that I didn't want to say, or think about yet it haunted me day and night.
"I never thought I'd see you again, I never wanted to see you again but I need answers" I started, she smiled at someone walking by and waved at them.
"Can we at least go somewhere? It doesn't feel right to stand in the middle of the hallway" she said awkwardly, she almost seemed embarrassed to be standing here with me, talking me, I was in a baggy shirt and some random shorts that Lola gave me.
I wasn't presentable for her, I wasn't dressed conveniently for the city hall and the famous, luxurious and rich people here. Little did she know...this place is owned by my mother.
Lilith and her purchases...
"No, we're having this conversation right here, right now." I folded my arms in front of me and she sighed nodding her head, Faye brushed her hair out of her face almost identical to the way I do it when I'm feeling awkward or nervous.
"Why did you leave?" Was the first thing I asked, Faye thought about it for a moment she looked hesitant, guilty even but this has to end right here, right now.
"I wasn't ready but trust me, just because I left, it doesn't mean I didn't love you" she answered but that wasn't what I was looking for, her answer didn't even make sense. She left when I was six so she was ready to be a mom for the first six years of my life but not later?
"...at the time, I couldn't take care of you, couldn't even take care of myself and I had to focus on myself and my future" she tried to justify herself,
"Then why did you have me?" I asked again but didn't let her answer I was quick to continue my sentence.
"You don't deserve to be a mother, you shouldn't have had me Faye, you shouldn't have committed in the first place when you knew you'd never put me first, I was just a baby, a little kid in need for your love and your care" my tears were already falling down, I never knew how much I needed to let this out until now, so I continued.
"You don't know me, you don't love me, you don't even know what my favorite color is, you don't know if I'm sick, if I'm healthy, if I have a partner or if I'm fucking dead, mom." I wiped my tears with the back of my hands, she claims she loves me, she claims to care for me.
"What's my favorite color then? You say you love me? You say you care, if you loved me you'd know what I liked and what I hated. Did you know dad enrolled me in a conservatory just so I can be a musician like you? I hated it, I hated how attached he was to you, how he wanted me to be you so bad. I hated it so much..." Faye was now crying as well, she was speechless. I knew my dad wanted me to be my mother so bad, because he missed her so much, he wanted her back, she was everything to him.
"Thank god, there are people out there with a kind heart, who made me love music, feel it and express my emotions through it. I'll always be thankful to them, I'll always love them. something you'll never get..."
"...but I forgive you, mom. I really do, no matter the reasons why you left, whether it was for your career or your soulmate, I forgive you." I smiled feeling my eyes fill with tears again, I didn't even know why I was smiling. I wanted to be mad at her, I wanted to yell at her and call her out for what she's done but I couldn't.
"I want to make it up to you, Samantha. I wanna be in your life again, I want to meet your adoptive parents and thank them for taking care of you" she said sounding hopeful but that was a big step and asking me to just hring her into my life again wasn't something I'm ready to do.
"I don't believe that... you don't know me, Faye, you don't know my life. You can't just appear out of nowhere and expect me to welcome you with open arms" I sighed and took a step back, I could feel someone behind and the scent of a familiar expensive man cologne hit me, Lola put her hand on my lower back in a way of telling me she was here with me gently rubbing it, she as trying her best to comfort me and make me feel okay. I don't even know when she got here I was too busy crying my heart out that I didn't notice her presence.
"At least answer my calls, please. I'd love to see you from time to time, I'd love to know more about you, if you let me." She said making me nod, her words meant nothing, if I wasn't ready for that she won't be seeing me or hearing from me again.
"Until I'm ready, don't call me. Have a good evening Faye" I grabbed Lola's wrist and we walked away from the woman who used to be my mother, I didn't know why but I felt a little better when I let those words out.
I stopped in front of the car and I fumbled with the keys as I tried to unlock the car but Lola slammed the door shut, before I can question her action I felt her arms wrap around my body in a comforting and warm hug.
And there I was...crying in her arms, my face buried in her chest while she just shushed me and softly rubbed on my back. I held on to her like she was the only thing keeping me up on my feet, and in this moment she was indeed what's holding me up.
"You're fine..." She whispered softly, I sobbed harder knowing well I wasn't "fine", I was a mess.
"C'mon let's go for a walk" she asked and pulled away from me, I looked up at her and she was smiling at me. Her hand was extended out for me to hold, I glanced at it for a moment before looking back at Lola's face, she encouraged me to hold it and that's what I did, I slid my hand on hers intertwining our fingers together. She gave it a little squeeze before pulling me away from my car and away from the city hall.
"You know, I never knew you were adopted" she said without looking at me, I stopped to give her an amused look and I could see the silly smile on her face.
"What? I'm not racist, I shouldn't assume you're adopted just because your parents are white" she backed up her words but she was only making it worse, I laughed softly and shook my head in disbelief.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked softly, I shook my head no and we just kept walking hand in hand.
"I'm not good at comforting people, but I want you to know that there are people out there who love you more than anything, they'll give up their successful careers, they'll throw away their future to make you happy.."
"..I mean I understand your motive, to go look for answers. But they were right in front of your eyes, don't look too far and you might miss the treasures that are right between your hands.." I've never heard her talk like this, and it caught me off guard yet she truly opened my eyes to what I have, my parents, my aunts, my sister...
Lola was looking straight ahead her eyes were glossy like she was holding in tears but she had a soft smile on her face.
"You have a family who'll protect you, and care about you. Never forget that.." I watched one tear as it slowly dropped from her eye and slid down on her cheek.
This wasn't just about me, she was trying to tell me something without actually saying it. Her hand that was holding mine was shaking so I put my other hand over it and pulled it closer to my chest, I may never know what's going on in her house but I could feel everything she was feeling, and I wanted her to know that I was here for her just like she was there for me tonight.
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Aw little cuties
Muah
-S
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Broken Strings (GxG)
Romance*read and find out* Sequel to "The Violinist" This book has been deleted at 1.2 million reads, I hope we can get it back to that. Thank you!
