Uncle Laszlo

1. First Day

Once, when I was at home taking an online test, one of the questions were: "How does Vincent Van Gogh's 'Starry Night' painting make you feel?" At the time, I hadn't known how to answer to that question.

But now, I knew exactly how that old, swirly painting made me feel...

Like Laszlo's tongue was the paintbrush and my private parts were the canvas.

*

Mabel was sniffing my fingers which meant it was time to wake up. But when I opened my eyes, my mother's nose was nowhere near my hands. I don't know why she did this. She did it every freakin' morning! I mean, did she think I was creeping downstairs in the middle of the night and sneaking Doritos chips or something? Stuffing them into my mouth? Leaving little, sticky crumbs all over my fingertips? I guess what she did was kind of weird.

"Good morning, Konrad," she whispered now, her long, dark hair dangling over my face like spiderwebs.

"Oh... hi, Mabel," I mumbled sleepily into my pillow. "Is it morning already?"

"Mm-hmm." She raked her long, bony fingers through my hair, her fingernails scraping painfully against my scalp. "Are you ready for your first day?"

I opened an eye and frowned at my mother, my eyebrows pulling together. "Huh? First day?"

"Well, yeah..." she said, like it was obvious. "You know..."

It took me a few seconds to pull myself out the dreams that were still whirring in my brain. But then, out of nowhere, a yellow school bus came crashing into my mind...

And then, I remembered...

"Holy crap!" I shrieked, flopping around the bed like a fish out of water. "School! Oh my gosh... school! High school! I totally forgot about that! How the heck did I forget about that?!"

Mabel scooted away from me. She didn't like it when I got all excited like that. Her face had tightened up. She was worried - she was always worried - always getting worked up about stupid things. Especially this!

This summer, I'd turned eighteen years old which meant goodbye home-school and hello high school! Well... at least that was how my uncle Laszlo had put it - he'd kept bugging me about the whole thing! Saying things like: think about all the new friends you'll make, Rad... you'll never want to go back to being home-schooled again...

Now, it was September - the start of the new school year. And from this day forward, I wouldn't have to be hunched over a computer screen all day long, with Mabel breathing down my neck, huffing and tutting whenever I got the answers wrong. Instead, I'd be going to an actual high school... five days a week... with kids and teachers and janitors and stuff!

"A-are you sure you want to do this?" Mabel asked me for the millionth time.

I tried my hardest not to roll my eyes. "Yeah, sure I do."

My mother's eyes flashed to the door. Leaning closer, she lowered her voice when she said, "You can always change your mind, you know."

"I know..." I replied. "But I-I don't want to let Laszlo down - he really wants me to go."

Mabel sighed disappointedly. When a shock of guilt zapped me in the chest, I couldn't help but feel a little bad for her. Maybe she'd miss home-schooling me and stuff. Maybe she'd miss having me around the house.

"Okay, Konrad," she said. "I guess we'll see how things work out."

"Yeah - sure, Mabel."

And then, she was leaning down, squashing her thin lips against my forehead. Her kiss was all wet and slimy, lasting longer than usual. A shiver ran through me; I tried to hide it when she pulled away.