Uncle Laszlo

3. Masturbingo

I couldn't breathe.

Two gigantic, hairy arms were dunking my head into a swamp, pushing me under the slimy, thick, green water. Naturally, I kept begging for the man to stop, but I was spluttering so hard that no words came out. It was useless, really. I mean, the man didn't care what I had to say - he wanted to squeeze every last breath out of my lungs.

He wanted to kill me!

I don't know how I did it, but somehow I found the strength to break free of the man's grasp and push myself up out of the water. But when I opened my eyes, I realised that I wasn't in a swamp...

And there were no hairy arms...

I was in my bed... drenched in sweat... my heart hammering in my chest...

I'd been having a nightmare!

The digital clock on my night stand said that it was 2:32am. A shiver ran through me. I was cold. But when I wrapped my arms around my chest, I was surprised to find that I wasn't wearing a T-shirt... or pyjamas...

Or anything!

I threw back the covers then and gasped when my Soldier jumped out at me. Springing up and down. Screaming at me through the Megaphone...

DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY!

A ray of moonlight had sneaked through the curtains and was slicing across my body. With my finger, I traced the bluish strip from the tip of my shoulder all the way down there. For some reason, everything felt so tight... tighter than usual... like I'd just gulped down a gallon of lemonade and desperately needed to pee or something!

Smashing a pillow over my face, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to drift off to sleep again. But, sure enough, my Soldier wouldn't shut up...

GIVE ME FIFTY... EIGHTY... ONE HUNDRED!

So, feeling restless, I kicked off my bed sheets and rolled out of bed. Looking for my underpants, I found them on the floor next to my pyjamas. I had no idea why I'd taken all of my clothes off in the first place!

Maybe I was too hot or something...

Stepping into my underpants, I pulled them up my legs and left the room. I decided that I just needed to pee. So, creeping into the hallway, I slapped a hand over my mouth and slowly tiptoed towards the bathroom. As I passed Laszlo's room, naturally, a floorboard creaked. I cringed, not wanting to wake Laszlo up. But, sure enough, he was snoring like a bull. I don't think anything could have woken him up!

In the bathroom, I was peeing forever! Cringing as my insides shot out like a freakin' water gun and made a mess of Laszlo's toilet seat!

I hope he's not mad at me in the morning...

But when my bladder was empty and everything started to cool down, I found myself becoming more relaxed.

Maybe it was just that supersized milkshake I had for dinner...

Not wanting to wake Laszlo up, I didn't flush the toilet. Instead, I crept out of the bathroom and made my way back down the hallway.

As I passed Laszlo's room again, I realised that I couldn't hear any snoring. So, moving closer to the door, I pressed my ear against it and listened out for noises.

Out of nowhere, my heart sunk. Suddenly, everything that had happened last night came back to me in a big, upsetting wave. I'd been such a jerk to my uncle. In that moment, all I wanted to do was apologise to him.

Then go and apologise...

"Hey, Laszlo?" I whispered, hoping that he might be able to hear me.