Suicide Watch | bakudeku

Chapter 3

Little Bakugo seemed so real, he looked at Midoriya with disgust. Oddly the other kids weren't around it was just the two of them.

"Stop touching my head!" Bakugo got up by himself and angrily walked out of the river.

"Ah- wait up." And suddenly he was the helpless little boy he was 10 years ago. Running after his idol, his muse and probably the first and last person he cherished.

Just to have him disappear right in front of him. But not just disappear... no, that would be to tame. He got torn into parts.

"Haaa... haaa... it's a dream... Kacchan is alive as always... stupid dream let me get out.." Izuku said out loud.

Pitch black. Is he back to dying? Maybe.
Maybe this is the process of the after life, altering your memories and making you relive them.

"He is back with us.. dear, I'm gonna ask you to maintain your eyes open and look at me. Please stay with us."
So much noise all of a sudden, he opened his eyes to a white blinding light.

"Where... who.."

"You just fell from a building. We are in an ambulance."

Izuku wanted to cried all over again, he thought 7 floors were enough.

"Let me die."

"What?"

"It wasn't an acciden—"

"WE ARE LOSING HIM! Please open your eyes.. life gets better. It all gets better." The nurse looked pretty stressed.

"Wake up Izuku."

"Wake up idiot."

The amount of times Midoriya has dreamed with that day is astounding. Maybe if it was a taller building, he would've been chilling. But no, he has to live with Katsuki Bakugo, one of the reasons why he wanted to die.

He opened his eyes and looked at the blond boy.

"Morning Katsuki."

"Don't, morning me. Get up idiot." Bakugo said angrily. Looking down at him. Storming into the in suite bathroom.

They both got ready in the morning. Izuku used the guest's bathroom to change, there were rarely guests over. Sometimes Katsuki's cousin would come over, Midoriya hated it. He hated him with a passion.

"Good morning Izuku." Mistuki smiled at him. He just replied with a slight bow. "Did you sleep good?"

"I ran out of sleeping pills."

Almost every night he'd just stare at the ceiling or at the blond boy, listening attentively to his breathing. Because he knew that once he fell asleep he'd see him dead in his nightmares. He is pretty honest with himself, he adores Katsuki, and that's one of the reasons that makes him wanna die. It may seem silly to most people, hell, even for him it seems that way. He craves love and affection from him, he fears that he might just never want anyone else the way he wants his childhood bestfriend. Only his, he knew that when Katsuki thought of him he didn't remember his besfriend or thought anything dear, he didn't hold his existence close to his own. He knew that it didn't matter how many times he carved Katsuki's name on the flesh of his own body or he prayed to a higher entity to cure him from his sorrow and sickness, he'll just never stop loving him. It doesn't matter how much he gets slapped and attacked, how much Kacchan wishes upon his death. He can't think of him in any other way besides his reason to die, and that's why he loves him.

"Oh.. you are still needing those dear?"

Izuku nodded.

"Alright.. I'll buy them and hand them today to you." She sighed at the silence. Mitsuki grabbed a bowl of rice and a small packet of nattō. "Here you go, since you didn't want your dinner last night there is some extra rice in there."

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat.. you haven't eaten in two days.."

"I'm ok."

"You aren't Izuku.. and that's ok. Please just eat.."

"I'll eat just a bit."

Next thing you know he was putting his fingers down his throat in hopes for a gag, he didn't like to feel full. He was tired of being full of those tiring and confusing emotions, absolutely exhausted of anything working inside of him. He hated how his body kept him alive. He hated how once he looked at the mirror he only saw the flappy skin. Maybe if he didn't look so miserable Bakugo would still be his friend. He never wished that Katsuki loved him back, only that he kept being his friend, that he could talk to him about hero stuff. That Kacchan could tell him about his crushes and Izuku could try and look a bit more like those girls he crushes on. Maybe a slender waist, maybe a thinner face. That way he would like him even more, and would keep being his friend. Oh, how miserable is that. He knew he was disgusting. Dreaming of another boy in that way.

Izuku wanted to be dead.

He finally vomited, it was getting harder to do it as his gag reflex was getting harder to trigger. His body was tired of vomiting. Every. Single.Day.

He was at an all time low. His energy was completly dead. Not far from his body and mind.

It was a common school day. At least for every student besides Izuku.

He was gonna die today. He planned it, step by step. He was gonna be dead by the end of today.

After the multiple suicide attempts Mitsuki told Katsuki to accompany him all the time, however, today was different. Kacchan would go out with his so called friends to the movies or something and he'd only come back by seven. (Bakugo didn't want anyone to know that he and Izuku were living together; He went as far as spreading rumours saying Midoriya was living in an orphanage.) During the time he was gone Mitsuki was also working an extra turn at the restaurant. Perfect timing.

To be continued...