Inflicting Pain (gxg)

● T H I R T Y | Fear ●

† Q U I N N †

Fear runs only as deep as the mind allows—it's the silent thief of dreams. Often, we're more haunted by what we imagine than by anything real. We already brace for harm that hasn't come yet, letting fear hold us back. But everything you truly want waits just beyond it. Only when we let go of fear do we begin to truly live.

Rain, thunder, yet warm and quiet. It's the kind of night I've always wanted—just the steady sound of the rain and the deep rumble of thunder in the distance. She lies beside me, her hand resting on my face, and it's the warmest touch I've felt in a long time. Her emerald-green eyes meet mine, striking that comfortable feeling within me, like I belong here. Her smile reaches her eyes, radiating something so pure and genuine, it feels like home. She's like a delicate bubble resting on the ground—beautiful, fragile, and precious. And with that beauty comes a flicker of fear, as if even the smallest touch could shatter her into pieces, could break something so rare and real, could hurt her. 

 "How are you feeling, baby?" Her voice was warm and gentle, just like her hand resting on my cheek as her thumb brushed my skin so softly.

"I'm okay, baby," I said with a smile, hoping it was convincing. But inside, things were still heavy, tangled in a way I couldn't quite shake.

"No disturbing thoughts in your head anymore?" she asked, her eyes searching mine, looking for answers.

I shook my head. "No more, baby. I feel... comfortable, like I'm wrapped up in cotton wool." It was a lie, though—a soft one I told to keep her from worry. But inside, the heaviness lingered, tucked away, just out of sight.

My mind felt clouded and foggy, like I was lost in a thick haze where thoughts struggled to break through. I felt as if I were being pulled in a million different directions, each one leading to uncertainty, and I didn't know where to turn. I couldn't bring myself to let her know how I was feeling; I didn't want her to worry or to see me angry and witness me losing control. The last thing I wanted was to unintentionally hurt her or make her feel burdened by my struggles. I didn't want to share this weight with her because it felt too heavy to bear. So, I made the choice to keep it all inside, to pretend everything was fine, even when it wasn't.

"Good. Go to sleep now." Her smile was warm and genuine, reaching her eyes and filling the room with comfort. I nodded, grateful for her presence.

As I closed my eyes, her thumb continued to caress my cheek, a gentle reminder of her affection. In that moment, I wished time could stand still, that I could hold onto this moment a little longer. But as her touch lingered, my mind betrayed me, flooding with thoughts that grew heavier with each gentle stroke. My heart felt like it was about to explode, yet I remained calm and unmoved, my eyes shut tight. I didn't want her to see the chaos brewing inside me.

"Aren't you sleeping as well?" I asked, sensing her gaze even with my eyes closed.

"In a bit, baby. Just go to sleep," she replied. I nodded, sinking back into silence.

But sleep eluded me. The disturbing thoughts swirled relentlessly in my head, making it impossible to find solace. She kept stroking her thumb across my face so lightly, and I lost track of how long she had been doing it or how long I had pretended to be asleep. All I knew was that it felt like an eternity. I sensed her shift closer, her breath warming the space between us. Then, I felt it—her warm lips pressed softly against mine in a gentle peck. 

But I remained unmoved, fighting hard to stay silent and calm, to maintain the facade of sleep.

"I love you, Quinn." Her whispered words hit me like a wave. I could no longer hold back. I gently pulled her closer, feeling a low groan escape me, as if I might whine, but I suppressed it, hoping she wouldn't notice. I rested my face against her head, feeling her warmth against my shoulder.