Fork Tale

Sarah's Stumble

Sarah slouched as she scraped her feet through the autumnal debris, slowly making her way through the sycamores. She only lifted her feet and attention briefly to balance over the stepping stones. She trudged up the next mound slipping back into her daydream... 'Steve' she sighed picturing his steely eyes and straight nose.

The path from school was long and illogical. Sometimes it twisted almost back on itself in the soft undulating woodland, with its sleepy stream meandering under the speckled canopy.

Inattentive Sarah stumbled over something and went flying down a bank.

She skidded and tumbled, and stumbled some more. Scraping her nose on the soil as she span down the slope.

'Umph! she stopped suddenly with her rump suck in a hole. The world span as she pulled herself up to sit, squinting up at the sky, dazed.

'Squeak squeak!' An angry noise came from the trees.

Surprised, Sarah looked up from her spot.

'Squeak, squeak, sqeeeeak!'

It was a squirrel, shaking it's tiny tail at her in fury.

'I'm sorry little friend, I don't speak squirrel.' Sarah explained, whilst attempting to wipe the snot and soil from her nose with her sleeve. She felt she was being as helpful as you can to a small angry bundle of fluff.

The squirrel did not look at all pleased at her answer. In fact, if this had been a cartoon, there would have been steam coming from it's tiny ears. It stamped its tiny feet and lashed its tail.

'Squeak!' The incensed rodent circled her, pointing to her bottom still stuck.

Puzzled, Sarah slowly attempted to extracted herself from the soft mud. 'I don't understand what's wrong.' Sarah stated, stumped, still smeared with dirt.

'My secret stash!' Squeaked the squirrel, exasperated with the streaked human.

'Yo - y - you s-speak!' Spluttered Sarah, stupefied, sitting back into the hole.

The squirrel rolled it's eyes. Not an easy feat for a squirrel Dear Reader, but you must understand his extreme exasperation at the situation.

'Yes!' stated the squirrel simply.

'Oh! S-s-sorry!' Stuttered Sarah, still in shock.

'My stash, you smashed my stash!' The squirrel explained as patiently as is reasonable for a stressed squirrel speaking to the offending human.

'Stash?'

'Yes, stash! Look! Squeak squeak squeak' the squirrel responded pointing to some smashed roots with his nose.

'Oh!' Sarah's vision started to clear. As she extracted her behind. Squished into the two round hollows where her buttocks were, amongst the sticks and stones and other autumnal debris, she spotted shiny nuts and sparkly things scattered about.

Sarah picked up a bent looking key. Studying it in the fading light.

'See! Smashed! I can't use that now!' The squirrel snatched it out of Sarah's fingers.

'Use it? You can't use a key? You're a squirrel!' Sarah reasoned.

'Oh and you know so much about squirrels!' He spurted 'You! You! You speciesest piece of great lumbering, clumsy, sack of rotten nuts!' Raved the squirrel with the most cutting remarks he could think of. 'You stumbling ..'

'But you're a squirrel?' Puzzled Sarah, interrupting the rant.

The squirrel deflated. Dejectedly he explained. 'This key, this previously precious but now piece of detritus key, was my gateway to being supreme squirrel.'

'Supreme squirrel?'

'Supreme squirrel!' He confirmed, 'supreme across the whole woods. This key unlocks, well used to, the cave of conkers. They would have had to notice me then.'

'Who?'

'The other squirrels, my family,' he shrugged, 'but mostly Fluffytail, she's the best.' He sighed, eyes glazed as he thought on his crush.

'Oh, I'm sorry.' Sarah nodded, understanding his pain. 'Maybe we could find a different way to impress her?'

'It's useless, she's only interested in nuts!' The tiny squirrel slumped.

'I think I have an idea' Sarah started to stand, brushing the worst of the sticks off her skirt. She scooped up the sorrowful squirrel and popped him in her pocket. 'Stay still.' She instructed as she started striding off with purpose.

Striding through the fading sunlight, Sarah searched her memory for a suitable stash. She considered a coconut, wondered about walnuts, pondered peanuts, but worried they wouldn't work. Eventually she remembered the hamper of hazelnuts in her Dad's den. Surely he wouldn't mind for such a good cause.

At the door, Sarah stopped. 'Dad!' Sarah called.

'Here!' Her father grunted in reply.

Sarah found him staring at the screen, soccer was on. Sarah explained the squirrel and the situation.

Her dad was distracted, the game on a knife edge. To get rid of his chattering child, he just nodded and agreed. 'Of course dear.' He said when she requested the hamper of hazelnuts, oblivious.

Sarah squealed and kissed her dad on the cheek, before running from her perplexed parent.

'Slow down!' The shaken squirrel squealed.

'Oh, sorry.' Sarah remembered her passenger and smoothed her steps handing him a hazelnut to appease him.

She grabbed a torch to return to the woods with her haul.

The hazelnut hamper was heavy. After half and hour of hefting it, Sarah paused. 'Where should we hide this stash? How far should we go?' Sarah consulted her sleepy passenger.

The squirrel roused himself to direct her to a hiding spot beneath an old allotment shed that butted up to the woods. The hamper fitted snuggly, his hazelnuts would be safe.

She left with a promise to return and check on him. The squirrel simply shrugged and sidled off.

Now Sarah walks the woods with new found interest. When alone, she chatters away to any squirrels she sees, hoping to hear from her talking squirrel again and ask if he managed to woo Fluffytail. But alas, all her efforts are met with simple squeaks. Not one will admit to be a speaking squirrel.

Last Saturday, on a leisurely stroll, Sarah spotted a pair of squirrels scurrying overhead. One stopped, squeaked and flicked his tail. The squirrel threw something at her feet then scampered off with his mate. She watched as the pair disappeared into the branches.

Sarah bent to locate the fallen projectile.

It was a half eaten hazelnut.

The end