Sins of Sisterhood

15. In Denial

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~ 15 ~

Rule #15:
Always have the last word, preferably with maximum venom.

"I hate my sister, she's such a bitch.
She acts as if she doesn't even know that I exist.
But I would do anything to let her know I care."

Juliana Hatfield-- 'My Sister'

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"Fuck," I say again, with more feeling this time. The room's spinning, but I can't tell if it's the whiskey or the realization hitting me. "Fuck fuck fuck."

"Now you see it." Raven's laugh is bitter, sharp enough to cut. "My perfect sister finally sees what I've known for months. The great Belladonna Miracle, always three steps ahead of everyone else, couldn't even see what was written on her lover's skin."

"Never use that name on me. Ever!" The words come out as a growl. My hands are shaking, and I want to blame it on the Jack Daniels, but we both know better.

I push myself up from the floor, legs shaky, and stumble to the window.

Need air. Need to think. Need to not be looking at my sister right now.

The city lights blur together as I press my forehead against the cool glass. Somewhere down there, people are living normal lives. Sleeping. Binge watching. Not fucking their sister's ex-boyfriend.

"He writes poems about you," Raven's voice comes from behind me, quiet now. Broken. "I found some in his notebook last semester. I thought... I thought they were old ones about me. But they weren't. They were all about fire and chaos and stars. They were about you, Eris. Every single goddamn one of them."

She laughs, hollow and sharp. "I tried to write like that. Tried to be chaos and fire. But I'm always just... rain. Just tears."

My stomach lurches.

Dante's words from last week flash through my mind: "You're like a supernova, E. Beautiful destruction." I'd laughed it off, called him a cheesy drunk. But he hadn't been drinking that night.

"Stop," I whisper, but Raven keeps going.

"Remember when he'd always show up at those stupid parties I dragged you to? I thought he was trying to see me. God, I was so stupid." She laughs, but it sounds more like crying. Her fingers twist in her shirt, wringing the fabric like she wishes it were someone's neck. Maybe mine. "He came for you. Every time. Even back then. The way he watched you when you weren't looking... I should have known. Should have seen how his eyes followed you like you were the only star in the sky."

"Raven..." I turn around, not sure if I'm going to yell at her or hug her.

But she's standing now, the knife forgotten on the bed between us. Her hands shake as she wipes her eyes, probably smearing black makeup everywhere.

"You know what the worst part is? I can't even hate you. Because you're... you're my big sister. You're the one who beat up Marvin Walker in sixth grade when he called me crazy. You're the one who taught me how to sneak out without mom hearing. You're the one who held my hair back the first time I got drunk..."

"And now I'm the one screwing your ex," I say, the words tasting like ash in my mouth. "Real sister of the year material."

I laugh, and it sounds hysterical even to my own ears. "Want to know something really fucked up? Sometimes I'd kiss him and taste your cherry lip gloss. And I'd keep kissing him anyway."