Moonshine

Bound Together by a Connection that Never Truly Fades

If you're ever lucky enough to find a love so rare it crawls into your bones, don't let it slip through your fingers. But most of us do, don't we? We mess it up with expectations, delusions, a fantasy cooked up by our own damn minds. She wanted to blame it all—blame dopamine, blame her insane imagination, blame anything except herself.

She met him once, years ago. The kind of connection you can't explain, can't shake off. The kind that makes you feel seen in ways you didn't even know you needed. He was the love of her life—the one she didn't know she'd need, didn't know she'd crave. And she let him slip through her fingers. She let him walk out of her life because she was too damn scared to hold on with tooth and nail, to let herself need someone.

Why did she let him go? Why did she push him away, like he was some disposable part of her life?

Because she was selfish. Because she's always been selfish. Perfectionist, compulsive, never satisfied. She wanted him, yes, but not enough to sacrifice her own need for control, her insatiable drive to be better, to have more. She was a fucking storm, always restless, never content, chasing something better that didn't even exist. She was her own worst enemy, addicted to a high no one else could give her. And that's why she lost him. Because she's fucking dopamine herself, a never-ending cycle of craving and regret.

And now, she sits with it—the hollow, echoing loss—and writes this damn thing down because it's all she has left of him.

... Too many long years ago, she and he met, and from the moment they locked eyes, it was clear their bond was something special. They quickly became inseparable, sharing dreams, secrets, and passions. But life didn't always follow the heart's desires. He took a job overseas, and she, chose to stay behind. Though parting was painful, they silently promised each other that their love would remain in their memories forever, believing that time and distance would heal their hearts.

Years later, during the isolation of the pandemic, they reconnected by chance. She had become consumed by her success, and he, now married, found himself thrust back into her life through a virtual reunion. What began as friendly banter soon stirred up long-buried feelings, reigniting memories of a shared past. However, they knew the boundaries they must uphold—they couldn't undo the past.

As they rekindled their connection in a platonic friendship, she and he shared stories of their lives, their pandemic frustrations, and the personal journeys they'd undertaken. She struggled to contain her old feelings, while he battled the reality. They continued supporting each other through conversations. Despite her feelings, she gently encouraged him to find peace and fulfillment in his current life. They have an unspoken understanding that their chance for love had passed, yet they carried forward a bittersweet respect for the lives they had built.

Decades later, fate brought them together once more. Their love, undiminished by years, found a place where they could simply be—free of obligations, having found each other again in the peace of a late-life reunion. other again in the peace of a late-life reunion.

You're asking why? What the fuck and why the fuck?

Because she's so fucking obsessed with the past and the future, but never the present when it truly matters.