TW; Attempted Suicide, Self Harm & Mental Health Struggles
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Buck can't bare the guilt of not being able to keep Christopher safe in the Tsunami and tries to take his own life
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BUCK'S POV :
I sat on my couch, staring at the papers in-front of me. The letters were already written, One for Eddie, One for Christopher, One for Maddie, One for Bobby & Athena and the last for the rest of the Firehouse. Life just wasn't the same anymore since the Tsunami. I couldn't keep Christopher safe, I couldn't do anything right since. If I couldn't keep Christopher safe then how can I save other people. I just couldn't act like everything was ok anymore. I took my phone out and messaged Eddie
'I love you & Chris 🤍'
I folded all the letters and slipped them into the envelopes, leaving them on the kitchen table. The rope was already tied and hung up, all that was needed was to do it.
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EDDIE'S POV :
The message pinged through on my phone.
Buck 🤍
'I love you & Chris 🤍'
I smiled down at my phone, I knew he loved me and especially Chris. We'd gotten together a few months ago, he confessed his feelings to me when he stayed over at mine after one of my panic attacks, we'd been together ever since. I thought I should surprise him, Chris hadn't long flown back to Texas to be with my parents so I'd been alone the past few days. I stood and grabbed my keys, heading out the front door.
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I slid my key into the door, turning and unlocking the door before stepping in, stomping my boots onto the mat. I looked up from the floor, there Buck was. Hanging. Swaying. I froze for a second, in pure shock. My eyes widened and suddenly my reactions kicked in, I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I ran towards him, cutting the rope just above his head. I dropped the knife and caught him.
"Buck, Buck baby, cmon!"
Eddie lay him on the floor, starting compressions after dialling 911 and throwing my phone on the floor.
"911– what's your emergency?" The voice came from the other end, familiar. It was Maddie.
"Firefighter Diaz, I need an RA unit to '......' apartment '...', I have a 27 year old male found hanging, currently unconscious. I've started compressions!" I screamed as tears flooded my eyes.
"RA Units heading to your way Diaz..." Maddie said through the phone, her voice trailing off.
"Thank you Maddie" I managed to choke out. My breathing heavy as I felt my hands breaking his ribs.
The door flung open and paramedics ran in. I watched in horror as they rolled him out in a stretcher, still performing CPR. I stood helplessly in the middle of his apartment. I tried catching my breath as I picked up the knife I'd cut him down with and went to return it to the kitchen. There lay an envelope with 'Sorry' scrawled over the top of it. I set the knife down and picked the envelope up, opening it. There were 5 letters. One for me, one for Chris, One for Maddie, One for Bobby & Athena and finally One for the rest of the 118. I opened mine up and read it. He wrote about how guilty he felt for not being able to save Chris, and now for leaving me in this world. Tears swelled in my eyes. I set the letter down and left the apartment, heading for the hospital.
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He lay there peacefully. I reached out to hold his hand. Luckily he survived but still had not woke up. I stroked his hand with my thumb and lifted his hand to kiss it. I phoned Bobby on the way here, telling him what happened through broken sobs, he was on his way. I don't think I'd be able to face Bobby if Buck had succeeded, he loved Buck, like his own child. Buck's parents weren't the best people so Bobby and Athena treated him like their own, like Harry and May.
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BOBBY'S POV :
Athena and I lay comfortably on the couch, one of our favourite movies on for one of our date nights. My phones screen lit up
'Eddie Diaz'
Why was Eddie phoning me? He never phones me? I thought as I reached over to grab my phone, pressing accept and putting him on loud speaker.
"Hey Edd-" I was interrupted by Eddies screaming sobs.
"Buck! Buck's tried killing himself.. I don't know what's happening" Eddie screamed over the phone, his broken sobs interrupting his words.
"What hospital is he going to?" I shot up, startling the sleeping Athena.
"Mercy!" Eddie screamed over the phone
"I'm on my way." I hung up, and shoved my phone in my pocket. I ran over to the door, slipping shoes on before running out to the car.
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I get to the hospital, bursting into reception.
"I'm looking for Evan Buckley, 27 year old male brought in after a suicide attempt" I set my hands on the desk, my heart pretty much beating out of my chest. Every thought imaginable ran through my mind, was he dead was he alive. What made him do this.
"Room 407, sir" The receptionist looked up at me, a pang of empathy in her eyes. Without a second thought I ran, bursting through doors and hurtling down corridors till I reached his room. I stopped just outside the door and peered in. Eddie sat next to him, holding his hand. He lay there so peacefully, like nothing had happened. I slowly opened the door. Eddie looked up at me, his face red and his eyes swelled with tears.
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EDDIE'S POV :
The door creaked open. I looked up, there stood Bobby in his pj's. I quickly wiped the tears away from my face.
"He's fine luckily." I say, my voice cracking . I swallow hard and look back down at his hand.
"Wha- I- Why.. Why would he do this to himself." Bobby stood there, confusion and fear covered his face.
"The tsunami. He felt guilty because he couldent keep Christopher safe then spiralled and got into his own head about it." I gripped his hand as I said it, not wanting it to be true.
"Oh god" Bobby pursed his lips and pulled up a chair next to me, staring at Buck.
"The doctors say he'll be fine and that he'll wake up soon. A psychiatrist came by as well, said he'll come by to check up on him when he comes to." I sighed, glancing over at Bobby.
"It's good he'll be fine. I'll start phoning the rest of the crew.. Does maddie know?" Bobby turned to face me. Fear visible in his eyes.
"I got patched through to her when I phoned for an ambulance. I'll phone her to tell her he'll be alright."
"Ok..ok good.. I'll go phone everybody else." Bobby stood and walked out into the corridor. I stood and bent over Buck, planting a kiss on his forehead.
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Might do a second part to this cant lie.
— Thought Son
