WHAT IS AND WHAT WAS NOT (ENGLISH VERSION)

CHAPTER 1

Present, past and forever

I took a deep breath before answering that call, I remembered closing the trunk in the morning and checking that everything important was in my backpack. That's when I answered the call that completely changed my life. I swear that if I had known that would happen, maybe I would have saved myself the trouble of waking up on that capricious day, and maybe I wouldn't have gone to the trouble of hiding the pieces. I don't like playing detective, I don't like people meddling in my affairs either, so I'll be honest, I'm just the fire that ignites the bomb. You, my capricious phoenix, are the bomb. TICK, KNOCK, TICK, KNOCK, hurry up, time is running out! Those words echoed in my head over and over again, for years, wondering what they meant. What was he referring to? Who was that person? What did you mean by Phoenix? What was he talking about? Time is running out... What time? I just know that I don't understand why it's my only memory after the accident.
It is disconcerting to not know what is happening, but to have that memory in your head that I can't make sense of. A couple of years ago I woke up in a hospital bed with absolutely no memory of anything other than a woman saying that; and at my side, a boy who took my hand with concern, but at the same time distant. I remember being confused, I remember that I didn't know my friend that day, there was anger inside me, an adrenaline that was foreign to me, but I finally had the courage and courage to make my displeasures known. Yes, I admit that from that day on I changed that June 29th. A few days before my birthday everything changed, I was a different person. I felt different, many friends pointed it out to me; Although, honestly, I didn't care anymore, the feeling was foreign, but I liked it, I finally had the courage to say things to people's faces without caring at all.
Many told me that I changed a lot; Obviously, they preferred the quiet and cautious girl to the realistic and direct one that I am now. As I said before, there was an alien feeling in me. The day I woke up, they told me that I had suffered a very bad accident, after which I had been dead for a few minutes. Honestly, I didn't remember anything, I admit I was a little confused, but sane enough to realize that I wasn't on such good terms with the guy next to me.

—What are you doing here? —and I asked.

—They told me that you were sick and I came immediately.

-AND…? I'm fine now; If you want, you can go now.-

The idiot whispered in my ear:
- "You're still the same proud person." Even if you don't recognize it, I know who you really are. —

I got so upset that I pushed him away from me. I couldn't make much effort and my head hurt like hell, but I wasn't going to let him tell me that without my reaction having consequences.

I saw an internal pain in his eyes, I don't know if it was because of me or because of something else. Then I perceived such great disdain in him that I pushed him away even further.
I barely understood what was happening, but now, years after not seeing it, I understand that maybe if I had paid more attention.
Leaving the hospital with a neck brace, dependent on my family, I was left to remain silent for a couple of weeks, while I assimilated and figured out what had happened one hundred percent, but as time passes, I continue to wonder why Phoenix? Who was she? What happened? Honestly, after three weeks of staying locked up with my thoughts, it may not have been the best, I am eaten away by curiosity and uncertainty.
I still don't know, after four or five years since what I describe happened, my present is nothing more than something uncertain; my past, somewhat confusing; and forever, the words of that woman hidden among my dreams and my thoughts.

Just thinking about the context, it's overwhelming... telling you this is a bit difficult for me, but I don't want there to be any gap between us, you understand? You are looking for answers, right? Here they are... I will answer each of your questions little by little, but I already told you, it will be at your own risk.
—I'll take the risk, I have enough time to listen, so don't worry, I'll follow later.

So, after almost losing my mind, I made the decision to move on with my life. Maybe the memory is not a memory at all, maybe it was caused by the impact of the accident. Honestly, the memory begins to get lost among the rubble of my memory, between gaps of broken memories, dazzled by the fire of amnesia; and that's how I preferred it until recently.

But since I met you you have made me wonder again... what would happen if it wasn't my imagination? What if this has something to do with the letter? I made the decision to open Pandora's box.
Yes, I don't have the key, but that trunk wouldn't still be covered in dust in the room, so after thinking about it a lot, I went down to my old room, took a cloth with water and before touching the trunk I cleaned it, removed the dust. and taking a couple of tools I got down on the floor and started trying to open the old lock on the trunk.
Just when I almost managed to open the first bolt, there was a knock on my apartment door as if it were an emergency.
I scratched my head and wondered who the hell it could be at three in the morning; yes, 3 am. I suffer from insomnia when something bothers my mind.
I got up a little upset, I looked through the peephole, I didn't recognize the face of the person behind the door, but he insisted on knocking on my door. I rubbed my face, fixed my hair, and opened the door without undoing the chain lock.
-Hello! Eva, right? —She looked at me intently, as if making me a proposal with her eyes, and I began to laugh sarcastically.
—Do you think that if I'm Eva I'm going to answer you, at three in the morning, while you knock on my door so insistently? Friend, it's three in the morning! I was about to close the door, when the crazy woman stopped me with some kind of cane that she placed between my door and the lock. "Just listen, will you?" I'm not here for pleasure. And yes, it's three in the morning, the perfect time for both of us to go unnoticed. Don't worry, Eva, you'll thank me, and by the way, the question was just a formality, obviously you're Eva.

I let go of the door and looked at the room where the trunk was. Maybe that lock could wait. I unlatched the chain and stood between her and the door so she wouldn't look inside my house. —Well, you already know I'm Eva, what do you want? I warn you that I do not tolerate lies or detours. Thank God I haven't called the police yet. —I stared at her trying to find a clear expression, since the mask she was wearing did not allow me to see anything other than her tense gaze—. His crimson red trench coat caught my attention, but I could see small initials tattooed on his neck, accompanied by a type of bird very similar to the bird tattooed on the wrist of my right arm. —If you have already finished analyzing me, I ask you to be polite once and for all and let me pass. As I told you, it is in both of our best interests to go unnoticed. I grabbed the door and the frame and told him: "I'm not going to let in a mysterious woman who knocks on my door, who knows my name, my address and comes at three in the morning with the intention of talking to me." I think it's reasonable if I don't know who the hell you are.

—I am your conscience… haha. NO. I'm Riven, and for now that's all you can know. Technically I am part of your consciousness, for better or worse, so get used to seeing me. —Not if you show up at three in the morning. Also, is that the only thing I can know? I have a good conscience, and it's not Jiminy Cricket, so thank you but you can go now. —I smiled sarcastically, leaned back and closed the door. For some strange reason, Riven didn't knock on the door again, he just waited a couple of minutes and left. At that moment I turned off the light and went to bed. I wanted to ignore any thoughts, I just wanted to sleep, lose consciousness, but something inside me ran down the stairs taking Mrs. Riven's arm to find out what was happening, but another part of me just wanted everything to stop for a brief moment... A slight intuition told me that closing that door was probably going to have serious repercussions. But what's done is done.