The Adventures of Bartholomew Vanderbilt
Bartholomew "Bart" Vanderbilt was one of the most peculiar old men in Colorado in the year 1920. At 75 years old, and as spry as a young colt, he was famous for the fact that he hadn’t worked for at least 45 years. The last time he tried to work, he was selling peas at the market, but Bartholomew was more of a talker than a farmer, and the peas would wither before he managed to sell them. After that, he decided his calling was to raise wild horses instead, because as he himself said, “Peas need watering, but horses will find a river themselves.”
His horses were proud, strong animals, and Bartholomew considered them his best friends. In fact, he had a special way of communicating with them — each of them knew exactly when Bart wanted to take his afternoon nap or when it was time for a heist. Yes, you heard that right, a heist. Old Bart had recently decided that robbing a bank was a great idea.
With the war going on, Bart figured that a bank robbery would be a breeze. “What do I have to lose? I’m 75. If I get locked up, at least I’ll get free lunches,” Bart mused. His plan was simple: hop on his old trusty horse, Dusty, race to the bank, hide his face under his old hat, and demand the money. And that’s exactly what he did. Upon entering the bank, Bart looked around and calmly declared, “Hand over the money, or else… or else I’ll set the horses loose!”
The cashier looked out the window in shock and saw a herd of around 20 horses waiting outside. Not wanting to take any chances, the cashier filled the old man’s bag with cash.
After the bag was stuffed with money, Bartholomew jumped on his best steed, Dusty, and galloped at full speed into the mountains, where the police could never catch him. Somewhere high in the mountains, he hid the stolen money and returned to his usual life — that of a modest horse breeder. The townspeople would talk for a long time about how Bartholomew and his horses outsmarted the unjust system. His political views remained simple and clear: “If war makes no sense, then neither do banks. And as long as I have my horses, I will always be free.”
