Thoughts by the Thousands: A Prologue

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11/03/2024

I'm not entirely sure what I need to do at this point...
to get the life that I've envisioned for myself...

I'm not even sure what they mean when they say:
"if it's meant to be, then it will be..."
Often times, I feel like I'm wrong, but
I want to be unconditionally happy...
To be loved, in spite of all of my flaws...
Is that even possible?

I want to say that I love my life, the way that it is, but honestly I have to say I'm far from that dream.
I'm not sure that what I have is unconditional, but rather CONVENIENT!!!
(that is...if I'm to be honest with myself)

I want, more than anything, to be who my mother was...to take care of mine, and not care of the opinions of others. I can't say that I know when and how my priorities got so messed up. Thoughts by the Thousand cloud my mind, but nothing seems to be clear. I can't even say I understand the reason why?

What has God envisioned for me? Because this simply can't be it...right? What lesson has God attempted to instill in my mind, that I have yet to learn?

I guess I'm waiting on a sign...anything...which will explain the thoughts and scenarios that always seem to overtake the space I have to remain content and at ease...I'm waiting.

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