Brightside

23 | heaven knows i'm miserable now

The day after Eddie's failed therapy session, no matter how well things had gone with Maverick, she had the distinct thought that she was going to kill herself before she ever reached her potential. That was a fun thought to wake up to. Definitely not a reason she should've booked another therapy session and spilled her guts to Roman Sahota, who was probably nice enough to pretend she wasn't being a cow during their first meeting. Instead, she laid in her bed for the better part of three hours, staring at her ceiling, wondering once again if her life was just a series of nightmares and she was going to wake up soon and she'd be 22 again with hope for the future. She spent a week trying to get rid of that one and couldn't really shake it.

Locking herself away from the nightmare of her life meant that Peter was more in love with her than he ever had been. His bowl was always full because Eddie was always refilling it rather than feeding herself. She never hired anyone to walk him because she was always wearing three hoodies and sunglasses and a baseball hat—the Giants, of course, best ballpark in baseball—and walking around the city until one of them was too tired to walk anymore. Peter got as many treats as he wanted because of how many walks Eddie would take him on. Even the dog knew which apartment building they were passing each time they went on a longer walk, and she hoped she didn't look as upset as he did that they were only passing by.

"Kid, can we talk for a moment, please?"

Peter barked.

"I've gotta take him out," Eddie said. "He's been drinking a lot of water."

"Noticed you haven't."

"What?" Eddie took the laces of her glove in her teeth and pulled. Tucked the glove under her armpit and yanked.

Coach wasn't the kind for heart to heart. Whenever he tried, it made Eddie's skin itch. He sighed a little. "Over the last little while..."

Eddie made a face at him. He made one equally as disgusted, if she was being honest. It was his deep in thought face, too. Eerily similar.

"We don't have to do this."

"You look leaner, kid," Coach said. He tucked his hands in the pockets of his joggers.

Eddie looked around as she tugged off her other glove. Kept the laces tighter than she should've and ignored the pull of the bones in her wrist. "Don't know what you mean."

Hunger yanked at her stomach. Twisted her insides and begged for sustenance.

"It should take months to do that, you did it in a couple weeks," Coach said. "Is this fight getting to you, or is something else?"

"I want the belt," Eddie said. "I've always wanted the belt."

"I want that for you too," Coach said. "But you need to take care of yourself."

"I am."

"You've got a weigh-in this week, Eddie," Coach said. "You know that, right?"

"Duh." Eddie couldn't even have told him the date for that day, let alone the day of her weigh-in.

"You drop too much you can't fight for the title."

"I know."

"Eddie."

"You don't have to baby me."

"Believe me when I say I wouldn't if I didn't have to."

Eddie rolled her eyes. "You don't have to."