Dipper: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail.
Bill: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my phone call to prank call the police station.
***
Dipper: *enters his own password* I'm in.
***
Rye: The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died.
Rye: I will not yield.
***
Soos, looking at the squad: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.
***
Soos: I have to say, I'm a little embarrassed for you.
Dipper: This is a sports-related injury. It makes me look cool!
Soos: Tripping over a basketball on your way to the bathroom is not cool!
***
Stan, to Bill: When was the last time you let someone hug you?
Bill: *thinking*
Bill: 2012.
Ford: 2012...?
Bill: Yeah. I almost died and it really freaked Dipper out so I let him hug me.
***
Rye: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.
Rye: And I started thinking.
Rye: Like, it was just trying to get food.
Rye: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?
Mabel: Are you ok?
***
Ford: You're violent.
Dipper: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.
***
Dipper & Rye:*Playing video games*
Ford: You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to play games?
Dipper: *silence*
Rye: *silence*
Ford, finally figuring it out: ...You two never went to sleep, did you?
Dipper & Rye in shame: Yeah...
***
Ford: So, Bill and Dipper.
Ford: According to this, you two are being accused of: Armed Robbery, Vandalism, Drug Abuse, Grand Theft Auto...
Bill: We had a bad day.
Ford: And... MURDER?!
Dipper: It was a pretty bad day...
***
Rye: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it's doing to your body.
Bill: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot.
Rye: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!
Stan: Hmm... I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from...
***
Stan: Ford said I was his second favorite person, and I was bummed, but then he said Mabel is third. He has no favorite person. He's holding the position open.
***
Ford: Please could you go to the shop and get a carton of milk, if they have avacodos get six.
Stan, coming back from the store with six cartons of milk: They had avacados!
***
Bill: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant.
Ford, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I'm TOO friendly? There's no pleasing you.
Rye, who broke into his house an hour ago: Two sugars please.
Ford: Coming right up.
***
Bill: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn't see their reflection?
Rye: I've never considered it but you're really shining light on what's probably a very serious issue.
***
Rye, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Dipper: Hey.
Soos: Hi.
Ford: Hello.
Bill: Hey!
Rye: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Mabel: We were out of Doritos.
***
Ford: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE!
Dipper: *Climbing* THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!
***
Bill: What are your adjectives?
Rye: ...You mean my pronouns?
Bill: No, I know what your pronouns are! What are your adjectives?
Rye: ...I dunno. What are yours?
Bill: Noisy and chaotic!
Rye: I've never had something go from making no sense to making complete sense so quickly.
***
Bill: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?
Ford: >:O language
Mabel: Yeah watch your fucking language
Rye: Okay, who taught Mabel the fuck word?!
Dipper: 'The fuck word'.
Ford: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time
Stan: Oh my god he censored it
Dipper: Say fuck, Ford.
Stan: Do it, Ford. Say fuck.
***
Ford: Be careful about succumbing to these sorts of destructive... urges. Addiction can be a powerful thing.
Dipper: So am I. Bow down before your new supreme overlord, bitches.
***
Ford: Stan, we need that!
Stan, holding Rye over a trash can: Nope.
Ford: Gimme it—
Stan: It's garbage.
