My Weed System

WAKE UP IT'S MILITARY TIME

Quinn woke up on the dirty ass floor of his tiny little studio. He was half-asleep while trying to get his arms to move enough to get lifted off the floor.

"Aw... what the fuck..? Did I overdose again? Wait... that was with sugar... not drugs..."

He slowly lifted himself off the floor, his face crusty with dried blood. He lifted his hands to wipe his face, only to realize his hands just got dirty too. Stupid fuck.

Looking around the room, he realized it was daytime. But the last time he remembered, it was the late afternoon. 

"Wait... what the hell is going on? Am I tripping? Did I actually get high?"

Then it dawned on him. The ability book. He opened it. And then passed out.

"OH SHIT!! WHERE'S THE BOOK!?!?" He couldn't have smoked it all... or did he? He can't remember shit from last night. 

Quinn scavenged his entire room for the ability book, any sign, or trace of it. But it was as if his only chance to hit was erased from existence.

"BRUH!! MY CRACK!! MY BONG!! MY WEED!! AND NOW MY FUCKING BOOK!!" He angrily stomped on the ground like an angry toddler. "FUCK THIS SYSTEM!!"

~System Start Up~

"what the-"

In from of him, a holographic screen popped up. It looks like Quinn is going through a schizo episode again.

~User: Quinn Talen~

~Race: human~

~Level: 1~

~Life Span before stroke: 10/10~

~Sanity: 10~

~High: 0~

~Tolerance: 10~

"Jeepers. What the fuck is this??? Some sort of game?" He looks around his studio, staring at the walls to see if anyone snuck some sort of high tech gimmick to fuck with him. That's when he realized that the screen followed his head movements.

"Oh no... The doctors were right. I really am schizo!" Quinn gulped. He wanted to prove the psychiatrist wrong, but all to naught.

The screen in front of him suddenly started to flash, and Quinn thought it was trying to give him a seizure.

~New Quest: Drink 8 cups of water, you're dehydrated as shit~

~Reward: 10 xp~

'Woah... xp... like in a videogame?' Quinn stared at the screen in wonder. What if this... system thing was... an ability???

"HOLY SHIT I REALLY DID SMOKE THAT SHIT"

Quinn jumped for joy and began to wave his arms around. He was trying to manifest his new abilities, but nothing was working so far. Maybe he should have read the book first before smoking it... did he even smoke it?

~You did not smoke the book~

'what the-'

~I took it upon myself to have mercy on your pathetic ass~

"Wait you can hear my-"

~No shit sherlock. How else have I been able to answer you?~

"Damn. You're mean as hell... What even are my powers?"

~Get xp to find out~

Quinn rolled his eyes and went to his crusty mini fridge. If there's one thing he was able to afford, it was water...

Well he saved up for it more than other things. He knew water was important. He just used it for showers and cleaning when possible.

"Well... I have no idea how much 8 cups is... so I'll just drink until you say the quest is completed." Quinn said as he started to chug the water.

~Keep speaking out loud like that and people will think you're crazy~

A short while later, Quinn lay on the floor. Having chugged water until the system said he completed the quest. 

"Ohh... I'm going to piss myself..." He said as he stood up to use his bathroom.

Just then, there was a heavy knock at his door. And a loud constipated voice rang through the door.

"QUINN TALEN. YOU HAVE BEEN DRAFTED FOR THE MILITARY. TODAY IS PICKUP DAY. PLEASE EXIT YOUR PLACE OF RESIDENCE OR WE WILL USE BRUTE FORCE."

Quinn really needed to take a piss. Like... really bad. Don't drink 8 cups worth of water in one sitting.

"JUST A MINUTE, I NEED TO TAKE A PISS!!" and off he rushed to his bathroom.

The military man doubted Quinn was taking a piss, as this was an excuse most used to try to escape the drafting.

That or they wanted one last hit of their shit. General Bob was sick of them. 

"BOY IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR, I'LL GET IN THERE MYSELF AND BEAT YOUR ASS IF YOU DOING DRUGS!!"

Quinn heard the warning, and was trying to speed piss. He drank too much water.

'Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck- PISS FASTER!!' he thought as he tried squeezing the piss out.

BANG!

General Bob had burst through Quinn's door, and started banging on the bathroom door.

"QUINN FUCKING TALEN I'M NOT PLAYIN THESE GAMES. GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE BOY!!" The General yelled.

"P-PLEASE JUST WAIT A BIT-"

BANG!!

The bathroom door had also been burst open. And now the general could see Quinn... trying to take a piss. Like actually.

General Bob never felt so stupid.

Quinn never felt so embarrassed.

~Piss on him for extra xp~