Julien's Sex Diary

Chapter 1: A Quiet Revelation With My Brother

It was a quiet afternoon right after class when I arrived home. The house was unusually still, almost like everyone had left, but I knew my older brother, Nathaniel, was home. He was two years older than me, a college student with a life of his own that I barely understood. As I walked through the door, I heard nothing. The silence felt heavier than usual, and I assumed I was alone.

But when I wandered down the hall toward my room, I noticed something odd. There was a sound, a strange, muffled noise coming from the other side of the house. It wasn't like anything I had heard before—almost a soft moaning. My curiosity got the better of me, and I started walking toward the sound. It led me to the door of Nathaniel's room.

I knew he wasn't expecting anyone, so I figured it was just him in there. Hesitant, I stood outside his door, trying to figure out what was going on. Slowly, I crept closer, peering through the crack. That was when I saw it.

Nathaniel, completely unaware that I was outside his room, was lying in his bed, his body exposed and facing the screen of his phone. He was having a video call with his girlfriend, but that wasn't what caught my attention. It was the way he moved, the way he touched himself. The scene froze me in place.

I stayed still, watching in shock as my older brother pleasured himself on his bed, unaware of my presence. His breath quickened, and as he approached the peak of his pleasure, I felt a surge of tension. My heart raced, my breath hitched as I watched him, my mind completely consumed by the sight. He seemed lost in the moment, not realizing how exposed he was, not knowing I was there, just a few feet away.

And then, as his pleasure reached its peak, he let out a heavy groan. The room was filled with the sound of his release, his body tensing, his hands gripping the sheets. My eyes were wide, my breath caught in my throat, and my mind was overwhelmed by the shock and intensity of what I was seeing.

That's when I heard it. A sharp, sudden gasp from Nathaniel, and he froze, his body still. His eyes shot open in disbelief as he noticed the door, now ajar, and the shape standing there in the doorway—me. His face turned pale with shock, but before he could even react, it was too late.

I had already seen it. His body was still responding to the release as he tried to regain control of himself, but I could see the shock in his eyes, the mixture of embarrassment and guilt flashing across his face. I stood frozen, my mouth slightly agape, my jaw dropped as I watched him, my heart pounding loudly in my chest.

In that moment, everything seemed to stop. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I felt a rush of confusion, of arousal, and of panic. What had I just witnessed? Why did my body feel the way it did? My heart raced, faster and faster, the feeling of arousal growing stronger in the pit of my stomach. It was a mix of shock and something else—something deeper, something I hadn't expected.

But then I snapped out of it. The sound of Nathaniel's voice broke through my thoughts. "Shut the door! Close it!" he shouted, his voice harsh and panicked. His face was flushed, a mix of embarrassment and anger flashing across his features.

In a daze, I quickly slammed the door shut, the sound echoing in the silence. My heart was racing so fast I thought it might burst out of my chest. I turned and ran, not looking back, barely able to comprehend what had just happened. I hurried to my room, my hands shaking, my thoughts in a frenzy. What had I seen? Why did it feel so intense? And what was happening to me?

Earlier, before all of this, I had just been going about my usual routine—studying, playing online games, watching cartoons and anime—but that all changed in an instant. I never expected to stumble upon something so personal, so intimate, and yet now it was imprinted on my mind. It made me question everything I thought I knew about myself.

And then, the thought crossed my mind: What if I had planned to prank him? I realized, at that moment, that when I first heard Nathaniel's voice from inside his room, I had almost considered sneaking up and surprising him—maybe even scaring him a little for fun. But when I silently opened the door, expecting to maybe just startle him, what I had found was nothing like I could have imagined. It wasn't a harmless prank anymore. It wasn't a joke. I had seen something that would change me forever.

I threw myself onto my bed, trying to calm my breathing, but my mind was too active, too filled with the images of what I had just witnessed. The shock still hadn't worn off. My body still felt the effects of what I had seen, the image of Nathaniel's pleasure burned into my mind.

But there was a question I couldn't escape. Why did I feel this way? Why did I feel aroused, excited even? It was confusing, and at that moment, I didn't know what to make of it. It felt wrong, but it also felt undeniable.

That night, after everything had settled, I couldn't stop thinking about it. A mix of guilt and curiosity flooded my mind. What was wrong with me? Why did I feel aroused by something so unexpected? The questions ran through my head. Could I be gay?

I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't deny what I had seen and how it made me feel. I felt conflicted, unsure of my own desires, but there was an undeniable pull. That night, I found myself searching for answers, watching videos online, and exploring what I had never considered before. And in that private moment of self-discovery, I finally allowed myself to feel pleasure.

That was my sexual awakening.