My Antichrist

one: the agreement

It was Halloween. Children laughed as they readied themselves for the festivities, but Muse couldn't find it in himself to celebrate. At least, not in the traditional way.
He stood on a bridge with his shoes clinging to the guard railing. The air was brisk from the close movement of freezing water but he ignored the chill running up his spine. Soon, not even the cold would bother him.
He dug his hand into his pocket and emptied the contents into the river. A receipt, an inkless pen and his cellphone all tumbled down into the water. Now it was his turn.
"Hey, you alright?" A voice called out, breaking his concentration. A girl stood a few feet away from him, her nose red from the cold. She watched him with wide eyes like she could see his plans written on his face.
"I'm fine. Thanks." Muse grumbled, returning his eyes to the water below.
"Right." The girl took a step closer. "So, endangering yourself is just a hobby?"
"I'm said I'm fine, now leave me alone."
"No, I don't think I'm going to do that." She came closer until Muse was within arms length. "Why don't you come down and talk about it?"
"What's the point? Talking won't change anything."
"Probably not. But, you know what always changes my mind? Food. I can't make a decent decision unless I've eaten."
She waited as he watched the waves crash into the rocks. He craved them like a bad habit.
"Have you eaten today? You look like a cheeseburger would do you good." She continued to try to persuade him, and her tone let him know she wasn't giving up. With a sigh from his chest, he stepped down from the railing.
"I can't remember the last time I ate." He admitted. Her face offered a warm smile.
"Come with me. I'll get some food in ya and then we'll make the big life decisions."
She took him to a nearby diner and ordered him a burger with fries and a soda. She waited until he had taken the first bite before she spoke.
"What's your name, kid?"
"I'm not a kid. I go to the university."
"Alright. The green or the blue one?"
He swallowed. "Blue."
"Ah," she nodded, understanding. "Good ol' BYU. You know, last time I was there, I wanted to kill myself too."
"You went to BYU?" He asked through a mouthful of fries.
"God no. I never went to college. It was a summer camp. Almost through myself in front of a bus."
"I wouldn't have assumed you were the religious type."
She smirked. "Because of the tattoos, or the undeniable wave of darkness that seeps from my pores?"
He chewed in silence.
"I'm Gwen, by the way. In case you feel like thanking me."
"Look, I appreciate the meal but it doesn't make my problems go away."
"What are your problems?"
His face flushed; why was she so nosy?
"My parents and I made an agreement; go to a year of school and then go on a mission."
"But you don't want to?"
"I didn't even want to go to this school."
"Why don't you tell them no?"
"I don't want to disappoint them. It was always part of the plan; college, mission, find a wife and have kids. I've always known that would be my life. Besides, what else would I do?"
"I can think of a lot of options between that life and killing yourself. What are your hobbies?"
He finished his burger but kept his eyes down.
"How about I make you a deal. I'll help you find a new purpose."
"And what's in it for you?"
"How about we start with you walking me home? These college town streets can be dangerous for a girl like me."
"Fine. It's not like I want to go back to my dorm, anyway."
"That's the spirit."