BEYOND THE HEADLINES || LINGORM

CHAPTER 5

PRESENT

"But you are the one who broke her. You walked away from her."

The darkness in Orm's eyes deepened further under the weight of these words, bearing heavily down upon her chest. "I never regretted my decision. Not at the time. I knew it was for the best, even though I wanted to hold on to her. I knew we couldn't just stay together because we loved each other." She paused, the memories flooding her mind and for a second transporting her back five years. She still could feel the rawness of that moment. "I was lost. I was losing myself, everything that mattered to me." Her voice had cracked with vulnerability she'd hid so long.

Amanda said nothing. She just listened, her silence one of understanding and compassion. She had been there, of course. She'd watched her friend come apart-heard her sobs, seen her anguish as Orm blamed herself for the harm she was causing. Amanda had been through every tear and every moment of uncertainty.

"It's been five years," Amanda whispered gently but piercingly. "Do you think there's still a chance for you and Lingling?"

Orm's breath caught, and she could have almost said it was a whisper of sadness. "I... I don't know."

Orm was an open book, especially when it came to Lingling. It all showed in her eyes: the pain, the love. What's more, she never needed many words for Amanda to know the depth of what she felt. When it came to the name of Lingling, Orm's whole attitude changed. Something was both tender and regretful in her eyes. Her face brightened even with the sorrow-filled words she had wrapped in.

Lingling had been her happiness, and even now, she was the woman Orm could not quite get rid of.

Amanda's heart hurt knowing that Orm never really moved on. Five years had passed, and Orm's love for Lingling only deepened, silent, unspoken devotion Amanda had witnessed firsthand. As her friend, however, she could not ignore the pain that still lingered-the pain that had never really healed.

"That night... was the first time you met each other again after five years, right?" Amanda asked, her voice speckled with quiet curiosity.

Orm nodded; her eyes lost their light as she remembered. "But sadly, I was drunk. I did not even get to see her face. It was all a blur."

"You called her because you missed her," Amanda said softly, not asking but stating. "Alcohol only gave you the courage to do what your heart had been yearning for all these years."

Orm's heart felt the heavy pain of the truth; it smacked into her face like an arrow. For five years, Lingling had been her antidote for pain. She would smile whenever she was reminded of Lingling's face and thought of herself, always elevated when she saw her on TV news. She kept up with her even in the darkest and most hidden parts of the internet.

Amanda sighed once more as she still said clearly, "Do you think she's mad at you?"

Orm slumped over and let her shoulders droop with the weight of her sorrow, shaking her head. "I don't know. I hurt her so much. Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

Amanda shook her head firmly, taking a step forward. "I don't think she's mad. But I do think she is disappointed. You did not just break up with her-you left, and by leaving, you were leaving a piece of yourself as well. I get it you're lost that time, but the manner in which you handled that breakup, I think, is what has been unsettling for both of you."

Orm's lips quivered, and a bitter smile spread across her face, and tears welled into her eyes. "How could she ever forgive me? How could I hurt the person I loved more than anything in this world?" Her voice cracked, tears flowing down on her cheeks like a waterfall.

Amanda stepped forward, embracing Orm tightly with her arms, stroking her back in a soothing gesture, as if trying to calm the raw pain that seemed to bubble out of her friend's body. It would make her hurt to see Orm like this-so broken, so vulnerable. Orm, who had a way of lighting up a room; now she was but a shadow of the person she once was.

"Hey, it's okay," Amanda whispered, her voice smooth and calming. "You were so young before. You were hurt too; you just could not see it then. But you don't have to blame yourself. Things happen for a reason. Maybe you two were meant to drift apart so that someday you'd rebuild what was lost."

Orm's wails increased as her heart broke for what she had lost. "What if she doesn't love me anymore?" she cried out with anguish. "What if she only views me as a friend now?"

Amanda looked at her friend and tried to reassure her. "Don't lose hope, Orm. And don't let what-ifs consume you."

As Orm gradually regained her composure and Amanda stepped into the kitchen to prepare lunch, the words kept spilling between them, all about Lingling.

It was as if it was all in a fit of simultaneous confession; she let it all flow out to her, at times uttering a word of comfort, otherwise a silent listener to Orm, who poured out her heart and voiced those deepest regrets and the most fragile hope that perhaps, just perhaps, there was still a chance.