After Love

I

"You- You can't be fucking serious..."

Vernetta looked down at her hot coco, avoiding the hellish glare from Kelly. To say her best friend was in disbelief is an understatement... no she was fucking flabbergasted. She shook her head and face palmed,

"You can't be serious, Vern! You... you only had a dream! It doesn't mean you should act upon it!"

Vernetta sniffled a bit before looking out the window of the café they sat in. it was quiet aside from the rain landing on the ground, and the people walking on the street.

"Look at me."

Vernetta blinked and looked at her best friend, teary eyed. She parted her lips to say something, but nothing came out... just a breath.

"You are now twenty-six years old! You have two amazing jobs that you love so much! Your own apartment! With the support of your mother of course! And you are well-to-do! You really want to get in contact with that fucking bum of a man?"

Vernetta only nodded.

"Fucking why exactly?!"

"B-... because in the dream... he came to me with a baby. I asked whose it was... he said it was mine, ours... and then I woke up and cried again. But you don't get it. I have been having a week's worth of dreams about babies and then it finally happened where I dreamed of him. The dream is telling me to go to him!"
"Oh my god... Vern do you hear yourself?! No, seriously! Do you? because, and with love, you sound horribly delusional."

"I've healed from this... from what he's done, and I forgave him."

"He didn't contact you when you were in the hospital! He didn't even read the message."

"Maybe he just... didn't see."

"Stop making excuses for him. STOP! How do you know if he's not married or with someone? How do you know if he has his own kids? Vern, he has moved on. As fucked up as it sounds, he literally never thinks of you, because if he did, he would've reached out. He's moved on and so should you."

Vernetta's bottom lip quivered at the thought. Even after all these years, she finds herself thinking of him.

"Try a dating app... or something. Or go back to therapy. Just anything instead of reaching out to him. How are you so sure he'll even respond to you? I swear, after that psychic fucking plagued your mind with her lies, you have been completely depressed."

"I was used..."

"Damn right you were! By her AND by him."

Vernetta closed her eyes to take a breath.

"Look, Vern, you are such a smart and beautiful girl. You probably can't find men because you haven't opened your heart to them. Maybe it's because you're afraid they'll do the same thing he did... or maybe you think that the love he gave you is the one you deserve when you deserve so much more than that. Wanting to have a kid with that man is just going to ruin your life... you and that potential child. Just think about it okay?"

And Vernetta did. Walking home from the café, that's all she could think about. When she looked up from the ground during her walk, she noticed many couples on the street, some with kids, and some without. Vern couldn't help but think... 'how lucky...' before putting her head down and continuing her walk. When she did arrive home, she passed by her mother who looked at her, then rolled her eyes before going back to sewing, knowing that her daughter is about to go into yet another depressive episode of the month. She's right. Vernetta cried to her pillow, shaking and her body temperature rising. All she wants is to be loved, to have a family... to be wanted. So much is flowing through her mind, and it just didn't make sense.