Midnight Spell

There were times of the day where I would miss him the most, it's when the campfire Fern set up for the night has slowly started to ease, the sound of the firewood cracking up, and the gentle sound of owls replace the silence. When I look up at the sky, I see the stars peering at me, and the deep blue of the sky illuminated by the moon gives me the perfect setting to relapse in my memories.

It's different this night.

This night, it's more profound, more prominent, more intimate.

My moment with the sky was broken by the sound of Stark shuffling in his sleep, I smile a little. Sometimes, these kids could be cute.

In the corner of my eyes, I can see a group of fireflies playing with the bushes, their closeness reminds me of old-time sakes. One of them strayed away from the group and immediately followed by the other one. Both of them shuffled around each other before going back to the group. And together they performed the same dance.

I looked at the sky and sighed. You are everywhere, dummy.

I closed my eyes to clear my mind on the onslaught of memories surging through me. Though I am a thousand years old, but it was the first time I regarded a memory by a long time ago.

I suddenly miss them a little more. I miss him a little more. That cocky smirk of his, the crinkle of his eye when he smiled, the way his eyes soften when he looks at me, the gestures and words he would show me randomly. He was a person of company at these times. And in this moment, I can imagine him saying something in that quiet, gentle, caring voice of his that sounding like he was dancing in peace and tranquility, something stupid but wise. Himmel had always been someone I can never predict; he goes along the way and enjoys the journey even in tough times. Looking back, there were a lot of times I felt he was older than me for a hundred years then followed by acting immature that shows he was still so young.

Something wet trickled down my left eye. I opened my eyes and blinked slowly feeling the sensation within me. There's a dense, cruel emotion hiding in the four chambers of my soul, crawling, searching, and screaming for something. A tear dropped again and I touched my wet cheek in curiosity. I don't cry often, in fact, I only ever cried when...

I draw my knees closer to me and rested my elbows on them, I tell myself to breathe and let it go. And that these feeling will pass, just like his presence. The regrets of the past come back haunting me immediately, delicately snuffing out until the last of my humility is shattered to pieces that no spell can repair. I drew a sob and stifled my cries, the fire joins me in my quiet suffering, bringing loneliness that seeps even though I have the kids at my side peacefully sleeping. I give one last shaky breath and look up at the stars again. The moon was sky high now, symbolizing it was around midnight, somehow the shine of the moon reminded me of his eyes, how they were so full of life and how it shined when he was doing something he loves, and the blue that surrounded the moon was the color of it. It was just ironic how his eyes were the color of sadness, yet the memories of his eyes were one of the happiest moments.