So, I posted something on my message board the other day, I didn't screenshot it, but all of it is on the bottom half of this page. After hearing about the election, raw rage overcame my body. Although my body and mind still needs to recover it, my stance remains generally.
I do not want more people to suffer on this planet. I do not want more lifeforms of any kind to suffer on this planet. I do not want more people born, just to endure abuse, malnutrition, manipulation and terrorism because the governments and others hubris demand it. I want our species to finally stop ravaging this planet and ourselves, because, existence should not be suffering by default. At the very least, I desire deeply that it wasn't.
And look, I may not be the most educated as well as somewhat scrambling to catch up with those who roughly are, however I am freshly on the road to recovering from lifelong trauma & resilience was never something I had until very, very recently. (I can only assume.) My blood still boils very easily because of such, yes. And having been mostly surrounded by broken and spiteful people did not help with such, yes...yet that is why I cannot give sympathy for such people.
Whilst I acknowledge they have suffered under the hands & influences of those before them, to hell with them for continuing the perpetual wars set by our ancestors and the suffering of generations after them. I will never condone the abuse they enact on a daily basis, nor the terrorism either.
However... as much as I am disappointed and furious, I am still a caged animal in survival mode. Despite attempts to better control my stress it still overwhelms me easily and autism does not help with that, yet I have a desire to fight in spite of this. If only it could account to something; it would never be enough, granted, yet I rather not go back to being fear-ridden and truly unintelligent again.
The timing of these tides changing really sucks. They seriously suck, and they always have and always will. I am not ready at all. In the last two years I am finally beginning to be somewhat of a person instead of a pet, and this cruel world is only going to increase its cruelties.
Well, at least I wasn't handed the absolute worst of its cruelties... yet... right?
It's painful. It's painful and confusing to be stuck with trying to improve myself little by little whereas millions continue to suffer with poverty, SA and the fear of it, death, starvation, wars - all of it.
I despise having the "comfort" of living in a domicile while others do not. I do not like being guilty of taking things for granted. I do not like not being able to do barely much because I am immobilized by trauma and fear.
But, I cannot do anything except try to outgrow being a pet to somewhat of a young adult that my body is supposed to be. As much as I am on the borderline of hatred towards fascism and anything aligned or akin to it, my highest priority is avoiding to die bitter. That is my only goal in life ever since my birth - not to die bitter.
Because I do not want to die bitter. Now, I do know what that entails. Nor can I even fathom at this point in time. I simply just do not want to die bitter.
Survival does not fortune me, and I still not fancy it either yet. However, at this point in time so be it; just as long as it allows me not to die bitter.
I do not want to remain a spiteful, ugly beast as so many seem to be content with. I never desired once in my life for anyone to live and die as such either. If there is one thing, just one thing, it's to at least perish with some shred of peace. If not for myself, then for the countless others who might have not been able to.
I do not want to be a horrible person. I do not want to be an angry person. I do not want to be bigoted, or hateful. I do not want to be fascist or unintelligent. I just...want cruel worlds such as this to be damned and no longer exist.
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(What I mentioned before:)
The actual enemy fucking won... Donald Trump FUCKING won.
Welp, as I've heard some people say, hope the Conservatives, Right-wingers, and whoever else sides with their twisted ideology gets the consequences they wanted! Because damn them all as they have always damned the rest of us! They can no longer escape accountability for the increased rate of bloodshed that will result from their actions!
- at least, I fucking hope they no longer cannot. That coiled viper that is their existence better not find a way to slither out from their rightfully deserved punishment anymore! Mercy should not rear its head to them any longer!
And on that note, I beg that everyone else finds some scrap of safe haven left. This world has always belonged to the tyrants since the Dawn of Patriarchy & I knew it could only continue to become worse...but...just - I don't know how to end this off with reassurance or words akin to such at the moment.
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[Yeah. This is a mess. But, so am I. Just - I pulled this off far longer than I wanted to anyways.
If the wording of this has come out all wrong, then I swear to the fragile concept of mercy that my intentions read as sincere or considerate to some degree.]
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Another Attempt Of Premature, Misguided Scraps
Random[Cover art made by me. It's a slugcat from a game called Rain World.] (Descriptions are bound to change; nothing yet, however hoping to begin with something written down at some point.) Just...wishing to make a proper apology at some point, for...ev...
