My relationship as been a rollercoaster for the last 10 months.
I and my boyfriend SAB
has been through alot lately we've been together 3 years now.
And sometimes I really do blame myself for our ups and downs . I've cheated but we still kept pushing through despite that. A year after my boyfriend thought I was cheating with someone from his school.
But I didn't we were kinda flirting but I wasn't interested this was due to boredom.
My boyfriend saw our text messages and took it really personal because the guy ask for a nude unexpectedly when I wasn't online and Shane saw it
He was about to leave me but I begged him not to. I love him dearly.
He thought I was a player but I am not!. I just flirt when am bored. My boyfriend was cheating for almost a year and I found out.
I saw her commenting personal stuffs on his Facebook page. When I confronted him about it he lied about being just friends.
And I also asked the girl if she was in an affair with my boyfriend and she was like "why does it matter".
I really didn't trust Shane. Weeks after the same girl post personal stuff on his page again so I confronted her and we got into an argument that's when she called me a bitch and told me she read all our text and said I was trying to get pregnant
I was really hurted. I tried to contact Shane but he wasn't responding. I cried myself to sleep many nights.
Days after I received a text from Him asking if I was leaving him and that I didn't even give him a chance to explain. So I said " ok Sab explain " and he was like "no Shanakay its ok, go if u want to" so I was like wtf!! He wouldn't even try to win me back.
It was almost like he wanted us to break up so he could be with her. It was really hard for me because I was really hurt and days after I was getting over the pain he appeared and the pain also appeared.
I felt like I hated him but I was just hurted. He said it wasn't serious and she knew Our personal business because she borrowed his phone for a call and went through his phone.
Because I cheated before and he gave me a second chance I decided to give Him a second chance we argued alot. Because I was really bothered about what took place between us.
When I cheated I knew he was really hurt. Once when we were about to have sex he looked into my eyes and was like " shan u really hurted me " I couldn't helped but cried to the pain I caused to him.
And to see Him this way. Before I cheated he was going to propose. But I spoiled it. I love him from the bottom of my heart and am sorry and I am much more faithful and loyal now.
But because of our pass he just really finds it hard to trust me again and that's were most of the problems in our relationship is from.
I really don't trust him either,he has been acting strange lately but he claims its because his inner self is telling him not to move too close with me because he had a bad feeling I am cheating.
Sab doesn't text or call me if I dont text him first. If a day comes and I dont text him we dnt talk. We live a little far from each other so we mainly communicate through technology.
During summer days we hardly see each other and we argue alot. And we really do break up a lot but we always get back together. Well because of me.
I strongly believe if I didn't try to keep us together he would walk away along time ago. The last time we broke up it was over a stupid joke.
Sab is really ignorant sometimes. Because of a little joke we started arguing which resulted in me crying my eyes out, heart breaks, and us breaking up and he didn't even cared.
To keep himself from me he always try to remember the bad I did to him in the pass.
And that makes me feel like he doesn't care. After our last break up I was lost in love. One of my associate told me he was all over her begging her for her number.
He did this to hurt me. But he said she took it personal, the day of my examination at school I received a text.
It said " Good luck on your exam, and stay focus and ensure u do your best". It was from Sab. I was surprised because I thought he wanted nothing to do with me.
I couldn't stop reading the text and smiling, I told him thanks and later on that day I texted him and he said " I am insignificant shanakay we don't need to be friends ".
So I thought it was just an excuse for us to keep our distance and do not communicate afterall he told me once if we ever broke up, it was just it we couldn't even be friends and that's what happened with all his other ex.
Some how we had a conversation and we worked things out and here we are. Am trying my best to push through our difficulties but he is not fighting at all.
If I talk to Sab about it he would be like " well shanakay if you can not deal with how I behave towards you, your free to leave". He doesn't even try to fix where he goes wrong.
That's one of the reason we will always be in arguments and fights. And I really hated when we mad at each other. But as I said before its like he doesn't cares. Like he just blocked me out his mind and tries to keep busy so that he doesnt has time to focus on me. Sometimes I feel really insignificant to him like we are nothing. Sometimes if I could really just find the right words. Maybe just maybe he wouldn't have an understanding to how I feel.
