What is living life as a hero?

Chapter 1 |Peace at last...?|

POV: Harry Potter?

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What is living life as a hero if you can't even spend the rest of it with the people you care about most? Sacrificing all the important things children should experience just to be in the spotlight for a few months, maybe a year if you're lucky, just to fade out when the next big thing happens. It's not like I even had a choice. I made it into what I was. I was forced into a house where it was hated, ostracized, abused. Thankfully aunt Petunia wasn't on her husband's side. She's the only reason I lived. Then I was sent to a school in a world I knew nothing about. Every year I had to face my foe, nearly die, get some glory, then go back to abuse. 6 years. 6 years is how long I had to go through that cycle. Then my 'friends' and I went hunting for bloody soul pieces.

At one point I actually had people who cared, people I was close to. Sirius, he was basically the closest thing I had to a father. He was pushed into The Veil during 5th year. Remus, I never knew much about him, but he was my father's friend, and one of the best DADA teachers we ever had. He was killed in the final battle. Draco. Though we were never friends in school, I respected him. I still do, and we're surprisingly close as friends. He did what he had to do to survive. That's what I thought I was doing when Dumbledore sent me on my little 'hero's journey.' His father got incarcerated, all his money taken. He had nothing, but his mother.

Draco at least found someone he loved, right? Astoria Greengrass, a lovely woman from our interactions. They were perfect together. And I was here. Stuck. Stuck with someone I don't love. Ginny- no, Ginerva's a temperamental woman. A vile one. One moment she's as sweet as candy, but when things don't go her way, she's a horrid woman. Aggressive, loud, angry. I don't know what I was thinking. Just as vile as her brother.

Ronald. All that git cares about is food, Quidditch, girls,and being oh so best friends with the boy who didn't bloody die. Right when my fame started to even die down just a tad bit. Both him and his smartass entitled bitch of a wife left me. All I had was my vile wife, a rock, and the two only things I have left of my father. I would've had the wand. But I snapped it. Like a fool. oh what a bloody fool i was. Thinking my 'friends' cared about me, thinking Ginerva loved me, snapping the most powerful wand in the world, and thinking the dark lord was wrong.

Is it 'wrong' to say I thought he was right? He didn't fight for pure-blood supremacy. He himself was a mudblood. He believed in order. Justice. He wanted equality. Not just for wizards, but for creatures. Dark, light, whatever. He wanted everyone and thing to have the same rights the 'oh-so-pure' light wizards had. He wanted to separate the wizarding world from muggles. People who could destroy our kind at breakneck speed. I agree. I've had first bloody hand experience with vile muggles, mudbloods, blood traitors.

Yes, I know they're not all the same. I'm a mudblood. But the difference between all of those mudbloods and me, is what i've been through. No one will understand what I've been through. What I've seen. What I've experienced. All the pain, suffering, and sadness I've caused.

I feel I must cry but I have no tears left to shed. I feel I must mourn, yet I have no right to. I'm the reason I feel such need. Whatever touch, whoever I'm close to. I destroy, I kill, I poison.  I am a flame in a field of flowers. Because of me they died. If only I hadn't existed. If only I wasn't the one Lady Fate had chosen. Why? Why me? Why was it me? What did I do in a previous life to deserve this pain? Suffering? Sadness? Despair?

All I desire is another try. Another chance to make things right. That I can save who I've wronged, push who has used me, fix who is broken. Let me undo my wrongs. Oh dear Lord of Time, Lady of Fate, Lord of Death. Xeranthemum, Camilla Rosa, Chrysanthemum. Fulfill my wish, and I shall serve you all. I'll be your slave and you my masters if you fulfill this one request. I'd forever be in debt, for all of eternity.