The Portrayal of Memories

13

Jo Tae Hyun

"I'm not your brother." I said glaring at Tae Hoon.

He is my younger brother, no. Step-brother. I'm adopted and the invisible one,of course. He is rightfully and the real heir of the kingdom,despite the rumors about me being the heir being there.

Tae Hoon looked upset at my words. I mean he will be since I refused to show him affection now, wouldn't he?

"Rude."

I glared at the person's voice it was none other than, da yeol.

By the look he was giving me I could say; he felt angry and upset about my behaviour. Nevertheless why care about it anyways, it's not like he cares,right?

His glare shifted from mine to Tae Hoon and he kneels to his level almost looking at eye level.

"Little prince." He said, his lips forming a sweet calm smile.

Tae Hoon looked at him. "Yes?" He said turning his face towards him.

"You know." He pauses for a moment."I can play with you if you want to, I can be your....another brother too."

Tae Hoon eyes wide as he heard Da yeol say the last words. "Really?!" He said looking at him ,excited .

Da yeol nodded in reply to his question with a gentle smile.

Tae Hoon was generally happy that he jumped in happiness with his tiny toes, it was my first time seeing him happy after the last-last time I did something for him, moreover spend time with him in general.

"Promise me, you will big bro." Tae Hoon said bringing his little pinky finger to make him promise to him. 

I taught him that; I was the one to make him swear to make him a good kid but never thought he would use it for playing with him this way.

"Pinky swears." Da yeol says also bringing his pinky and wrapping it around.

He is doing it to make Tae Hoon happy, right?

"Okay then, let's go." Tae Hoon says holding Da yeol hand and walking away. "Little prince, slowly please or you will hurt yourself, ....again." 

The maid who was with him sighs and heads toward their direction and I, on the other hand  am all alone after that conversation. Why does it feel as if something inside me has healed and broke at the same time?

It feels somehow something is stitched back but the parts of it still hurts despite the healing process ; an uncontrollable battle is happening in my chest with the emotions. It's telling me to go with them and have....no,I can't. I'm not one of them, I am a stranger living here and surviving to not die. 

Despite the battle I knew there was nothing to be done before I knew it, I was walking towards their direction. Da yeol and Tae hoon had gone towards the garden to play. I don't even know what it is but I wanted to be there..... with them.

I couldn't control my feets it was walking toward their direction making me feels weird within me.

I stopped;

 I stopped walking and now just a few steps away from them. I could see Tae Hoon playing with Da yeol happily, they were in their own world.

Their own little world in which I couldn't picture myself. 

In my vision, I could see colors on them and everything else; but not me. I felt colorless, invisible, undeserving and....

"Big bro, you came." before I knew it, Tae Hoon brought me back from my vision. "I told you,he would."

A weird feeling was felt in my chest as Da yeol said he knew I will come, why?

Why did he think I would come? I never knew myself why I came here in the first place and he is saying he knew?!

Tae Hoon comes up to me and hugs me, he was hugging my legs since he can reach up to there only. 

"I thought you didn't love me ....or even miss me ,big bro." Tae Hoon says hugging my legs tight and looking up toward my face.

He thought I hated him. No, never I could never hate my brother. He is the only person I care the most in this cruel selfish world of people.

 I am ready to die for him. To keep him , safe.

I kneel down to his level directly looking into his eyes and touching his cheeks.

"I could never unlove you,little bro. I care about you more than myself." I could feel myself feeling less heavy inside after saying the words,because it's true I could never hurt him. He is the only family I have,after that incident.

"Am I the only one without anyone to love?" Da yeol folding his arms, generally sulking cause of our melodrama.

"No." Tae Hoon says looking at him."I care about you too, another brother."

Do I have a competition for Tae Hoon love now?

"Do you?" Da yeol moves forward and kneels to Tae Hoon level, I just realized how close we were now. 

"Yes." Tae Hoon says nodding his head in a cute manner. So, I do have a competition,huh?!

"Hug?" Da yeol says opening his arms for a hug, such a kid... with a kid. "Hugies." Tae Hoon says hugging him tight.

"Do you love me,little prince?" Da yeol says looking at him and Tae Hoon nods in reply. Why is he so clingy with a kid, I never knew he was so damn affectionate with kids.

"You don't love your brother now, huh?! After finding another one to love?" it made me mad a little since I never had to do anything to get Tae Hoon attention but now I do,cause of this stupid Da yeol. Stealing my little brother from me, cruel.

"No, I love you too. But you know , you didn't ask for it." 

Did he just talk back at me?! How...why did he just, Tae Hoon. You silly little kid.

whatever.

"But... do you love Da yeol brother, big brother? You don't hate him, right?"