Memoirs Of A Teenage Girl

1. Solitude

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Have you ever locked your eyes with someone and figured out that your life wouldn't be the same? For me, that 'someone' was the least obvious person in my life-my teacher.

Those magical eyes of his, as if a celestial river was drawn down and brewed to the perfect shade of coffee-brown to give birth to his mesmerizing eyes. Every time the door revealed him, it also revealed the unmistakable fragrance that followed him everywhere. Almost like the unrestricted wave of the ocean, the wave of his cologne floated towards my sensors, while I inhaled the very essence of his presence until my lungs felt full.

My five senses were fascinated, however, my curiosity to find out if he was as enchanting from the inside as the outside, led me to a deeper, more tangled infatuation.

Diary # 3 APRIL, 2023

"Keep it together...just breathe," I affirmed to myself standing at the entrance of my new training school. When I showed my details and asked the security guard about my classroom, he gave the least concerned expression. I peeked inside, and an unusual air of gloom and discomfort filled my lungs. I gulped my fear and stepped in. The students in the corridor looked depressed, almost like patients in a mental hospital. The teachers looked like judging me already, as if I was getting grades for each step. I was walking tiny steps to delay my reveal as much as possible.

When I reached the door, I paused for a second, took a deep breath and finally kicked the door open. Everyone turned their heads in sync, like a group of zombies. A dark uninviting aura blew my affirmations away. Scanning the room, I found an empty rejected seat. I sat down as elegantly as I could as if there was a spotlight on my head and everyone was there to write a review about my performance.

The sounds of students dabbing their phones, people walking in the corridor and my anxious feet tapping the floor hung in the room. My posture was attentive and my eyes were wide awake. Biting through my nails, I was reacting to the tiniest motion. I tried striking a conversation with the girl in front of me who also seemed to be sitting alone. But something non-physical like an aura told me she wasn't interested. Turns out my intuition was right, she was waiting for her friend. I sighed watching them chat. Was I jealous?

Minutes later, biology class initiated the day. I was asked to introduce myself, which I somehow managed to not mess up. The teacher carried a jolly demeanour. He appeared to be more 'human' than everyone in the room, stimulating much-needed confidence. When the class ended, he left, and I was once again surrounded by an unfamiliar air. I had no idea and didn't wanna pry why the girl sitting in front of me wanted to exchange seats, so I agreed almost immediately when she asked for it.

Sole on the first seat, I was expecting my physics class to start. Soon, the door creaked open as I adjusted my posture instinctively. The light revealed a tall figure with eyes behind glasses, his arm occupied with a laptop and books, while the other hung free. My lips parted up and my eyes widened, as I spoke in my thoughts, "Who was he? Was he our teacher? So young and spirited." His face was sparkling and his eyes were glistening bright.

As the physics class unfolded, I realized how bad I was at math. It had never been my strongest suit, that's why I preferred to choose biology. Ticking my pen while staring a the corner of the wall. I was completely zoned out, doubting my existence. "Are you able to understand?" I almost jerked when he spoke."He must have been annoyed by the sound of my pen," I thought. I shook my head, almost too casually. He gave me a reassuring smile.

I must have watched too much anime during my break, because when he smiled, I could see the Sakura petals floating, pink clouds forming, and a gentle breeze blowing my hair, all within a second. He broke the problem into simpler parts so that I could grasp each one. Obviously, I couldn't understand anything, he didn't look surprised either. He was aware that I was new, and a week late since the classes had begun. So I had missed a few basic concepts and formulas.

When he was done explaining, he stepped aside. His hand stretched to grab a bottle that rested on his desk. His cuffs losing the grip as he extended, sleeves sliding back and revealing more of those bear-like arms. At that moment, I decided that when I die, I must reincarnate as one of his bottles.

He raised the bottle to his lips. While taking a sip, he unexpectedly shifted his eyes to me. Finding myself already staring at him, I was caught off guard. Startled, I quickly looked away. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment as my pulse quickened. Unable to process, I started fidgeting like a child caught stealing ice cream before dinner. Feeling his gaze still lingering on me, I inhaled and let out a sigh. As he finally turned away, my eyes rolled back up mischievously, daring to steal another glance.

There was something unusual about everyone, especially him. When I got home, I grabbed my notes and study material and started to prepare for my next class. My head filled with dizziness almost minutes after I started reading. 

I knew I couldn't understand the concepts on my own, so the next day I fixed with him an extra session to clear out my concepts. The very thought of getting to see him from close, for some reason made my cheeks burn with excitement. I was completely aware of my age and how inappropriate it was. So, if it really was a phase, then I will eventually grow out of it without doing anything, right?

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