tyler, the christian

2014: The Earf Enslaved by a Virus

Tyler paced back and forth in the studio.

Ever since the communists took over and started outlawing Christianity, him and the rest of Odd Future had changed their names to show solidarity.

Yung Taco was now Young Easter Egg. Syd Tha Kyd was now Syd The God Worshipping Heterosexual. Frank Ocean was now Frank Holy Water. Various other people I can't be bothered to mention by name right now had Christian versions of their original rap monikers.

But mostly importantly, Tyler The Creator was now Tyler The Christian.

However, despite what his name would tell you Tyler was not as devoted to God as one might think...

As much as he loved his Christian brothers and sisters and showing solidarity in these trying times, Tyler was getting bored.

Converting meant that now Tyler could no longer rap about murdering pregnant women in the street as that was as ungodly as it got.

Rather, now Tyler had to rap about godly things like going to church every Sunday (the day, not the song, that's unholy) and getting on knees for the lord (to pray, not to do the other things Tyler's zesty ass much rather to do to a pretty little twink like Jesus).

Letting out a deep sigh from his lips, Tyler punched the wall out of anger, earning him Thebe's attention.

"Tyler :( I know you're upset because you can't say slurs anymore- I am, too! But we have to do this! We have to save America from the communists who want to ban Christianity," monologued the scrawny little sixteen year old boy.

Thebe was easily the most devoted to the cause of saving Christianity out of anyone in OF. He was the first to suggest changing their names in support of the cause, having demanded everyone stop calling him Earl Sweatshirt and instead refer to him as Earl Church Friendly Attire.

"Thebe, shut the fuck up," Tyler replied bluntly. He was stressed right now, about the state of his career and hiphop as a whole without his epic ungodly raps....

What Tyler believed was an internal monologue but was actually just a regular monologue was interrupted by Thebe again.

"Tyler, you stupid cunt people are dying right now and all you can think about is your stupid rap career," Thebe stated angrily. "You're such a selfish bitch."

Tyler couldn't argue with that. He WAS more concerned about his career than some lame ass Christians who would probably be protesting at one of his shows right now if it weren't for the fact that showing any public displays of Christianity was illegal and Tyler couldn't go on tour because he was in hiding with the rest of OF after Thebe decided they should convert.

"Give me one reason I should care about Christianity. Right now. Do it."

Tyler spoke with all the passion of an edgy teenager who just wanted to write songs about how he hated his stupid deadbeat dad and how he was going to kill the cute girl in his science class for not liking him back. Was that seriously too much to ask for?

Tyler couldn't understand why Thebe was so hell-bent on defending Christians. He was a sad edgy teenager who just wanted to write songs about murdering and eating bitches too when they first met, what changed?

Thebe looked back at him with nothing but disdain and hurt glistening in his eyes.

"Because.." Thebe's voice was low and soft. Not completely uncharacteristic of him, but in this context it still pissed Tyler off.

"Because..." "Spit it out, bitch ass loser."

Thebe still hadn't gotten the full sentence out and Tyler was growing impatient. Just fucking say it dumb bitch it's not that hard.

"Because you're my brother!" Tyler raised an eyebrow. "And I understand how hard it would be to lose a brother or a sister because I would be devastated if I lost you. And I don't want anyone to have to experience that."

Tyler sniffled. He had no idea what the fuck any of that was supposed was to mean.

"Bro what."  Thebe stared at him like he was the dumb one. "Seriously, Tyler?

"Look, all I'm trying to say is.. we in OF, we're a group. A pack. We're siblings. Christians probably feel the same way about the people they go to church with, no?"

Tyler scratched the back of his neck. He had never really thought about it that way.. "I guess you're right," Tyler said sheepishly.

Thebe gave him a small, weak smile. Tyler returned it.

"Well, if that's settled, I think it's time we get to work."

___

Tyler effortlessly spray painted fish on the wall, signaling to other Christians where to go in order to find the Christian organization he and Thebe had successfully turned OF into.

The alleyway they were in was one Tyler had been down several times, usually to dodge police officers. However, this time a cop managed to follow them all the there. Tyler had no idea how.

Thebe followed behind Tyler as he sprinted away the cop chasing them. Eventually a gunshot went off and the footsteps behind Tyler stopped. Tyler never looked back.