Not My Type

Hope Not

Easter Sunday, April 21st, 2019 (9:27am)

Roseanne was angry.

No, scratch that, she was pissed off beyond her mind. She was seething, she was enraged, she was angry at the world and mad at herself. She was... Roseanne was disappointed. She hated this. She hated herself for being so open and vulnerable in front of Lisa the night before, and she hated the aftermath even more. But more than anything else, she hated being in her current situation.

"Kim Jongin. It's very nice to finally meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Park. I'm very sorry for the delay; I've been caught up at work all week."

Kai expressed his sincere apologies with a genuine smile – one hand shaking Mr. Park's, and the other resting comfortably on Roseanne's lower back, while the latter was sifting uncomfortably on her spot.

Roseanne's mind had been wandering all morning to the events of the night before since the moment she woke up, and she felt her heart breaking slowly but surely at the realization that whatever she had had in mind the moment she asked Lisa to kiss her, was nothing but wishful thinking.

It wasn't reality. No, it couldn't be.

She couldn't allow herself to get carried away like that again. To succumb to the temptation and freely throw herself into the arms of another woman? And a student, at that! It was outrageous. She had been beyond reckless and now she felt stupid for that. Whatever happened to the composed woman who knew self-control and who had mastered the art of saving face all those years ago? What, she had just thrown everything away like garbage – all her resolutions and her morals, for some... for some sex?

Lesbian sex.

God damnit, Roseanne needed this weekend to be over with so she could get the hell out of this place and never look back into her own mistakes. She was drowning. She felt herself sinking into the ground and the world spinning around her and she didn't know how to stop it. And all just because she couldn't keep her stupid mouth shut.

"Because I like you, God damnit!"

Those had been the words Lisa had yelled at her and they kept repeating on a loop in her mind over and over again. She felt her heart flutter, and all the blood running to her cheeks, and the tingly sensation in her hands, and the quiver of her lips at just the memory of such a confession. She liked her.

Lisa liked Roseanne and Roseanne liked Lisa, and there was no way to deny it anymore. But it didn't make things any easier, and it didn't make their affair any less wrong than it was. Because Roseanne wasn't supposed to have these feelings for Lisa.

Lisa Manoban liked her in a romantic way, and she didn't know how to deal with it.

"And you must be Jongin hyung" her brother's sudden appearance broke her musings. "I'm Taehyung. Roseanne tells me you were recently promoted to sergeant. Congratulations"

She didn't have any way to prove it, but Roseanne was sure Taehyung's interruption was a way of saving her from the painful torture that talking to her dad always posed for her, as he was able to cut the tension and quickly switch the conversation from an interrogatory to a more relaxed chitchat – his charming demeanor never wavering for a second, and Roseanne wondered how could she be so similar yet complete opposite from her twin brother. For once, she was thankful of his charms and friendly manner.

On the other hand, Lisa was sad.

No, scratch that, she was miserable beyond herself. She was desolated, aggravated, frustrated, she was confused with life and resentful of herself. She was... Lisa was heartbroken. She hated this. She hated herself for being so weak and fragile in front of Roseanne the night before, and she hated the aftermath even more. But more than anything else, she hated the reality of things and the fact that she couldn't escape from it.