Permanent Marks ⭆ Minsung

4

After Saturday, Jisung's Sunday went by quickly and peacefully. He hadn't done much but chat with Knowsaurus and go grocery shopping. So Monday rolled around much faster then he had expected.

It was his second day on the job. The café had only about five people in it. It was quiet. Everyone there seemed to either be studying, reading, or on their phones. So Jisung didn't have much to do.

Then the bell above the door rang. Jisung looked up to see a familiar face grin back at him. It was Lee Young.

"Hey Jisung." He waved as he walked up to the counter.

"Hello Lee Young. What can I get for you?"

"Same as usual."

Jisung nodded and put the order in the iPad before signaling to Seungmin behind him to make the order. Lee Young used his card to pay.

"May I ask a question? I don't mean to be rude." Jisung asked. And Lee Young nodded. "It's not Friday, what bring you here today? Need the extra caffeine?"

The other smiled at the question.

"I had hoped you would notice. I'm here to see your face again cutie." As he said this, Seungmin placed the cup down infront of them. Lee Young winked at Jisung before taking the cup and leaving.

Jisung blinked. 'What just happened?' Seungmin had the same thought but voiced it.

"What just happened? Do you know him?"

Jisung turned to Seungmin and shook his head.

"I talked to him on Friday but that was it."

Seungmin looked perplexed.

"He only ever comes in Fridays." Seungmin raised an eyebrow at Jisung with something that resembled a smirk on his face. "You think he has a thing for you?" Jisung's eyes widened.

"What?! No- well he did call me cutie- ah shit." Jisung lightly panicked. Seungmin just chuckled.

"He isn't bad looking. You could ask him out. You know, if you swing that way."

"I do... but I can't. I'm not about to go on a date." Jisung couldn't date someone. He already had one person, Felix, who cared a little about him. He couldn't have another person care, then he would just be burdening another person with himself. And he hated being a burden.

"Why can't you date?"

Jisung couldn't just tell Seungmin his reason, he would just try to convince him he wasn't what he was, a burden. So he lied.

"Parents don't want me to." He looked away and started wiping the counter. They weren't even close to closing but he had to act like he was busy, like the conversation was over. Seungmin noticed Jisung's uncomfort and decided not to push.

꧁✧꧂

Jisung met up with Felix after Jisung's shift. They were only walking around town, just talking.

"But you have been doing the same routine for way to long." Felix looked to Jisung with a serious face.

"I'm fine Felix. I'm comfortable where I am. I don't like change." He avoided Felix's eyes as he told the half truth. He wasn't comfortable where he was. He had one friend. No one else. Don't get him wrong, Felix was the best friend he could ask for. But he was human, he needed connections, relationships, friendships.

"I can tell when you aren't telling the full truth Jisung. And I know you don't like change but that doesn't mean you have to stay where you are." Felix spoke sympathetically. "You know what I think you should do?"

Jisung looked to Felix with an expecting and questioning face.

"You know that tattoo you have been thinking about?"

Jisung looks down at the ground in thought, he nods.

"I think it would be good to get it. Try something new. You've wanted it for more than a year so it's unlikely you'll regret it."

Jisung kept looking at the ground as they walked. His hands felt tingly. His skin felt like it's on his body wrong. He felt uncomfortable. But he didn't think it had to do with what Felix was saying or him at all.

"I think it's a good idea Sung." Felix smiled.

Jisung finally looked up and into his best friend's eyes. He saw sympathy, worry, kindness, and thoughtfulness. How could he say no to him?

"Okay." Jisung said as he faced forward again.
"I'll get it this weekend, when I'm off work."

Felix was ludic, suddenly bouncing up and down as he walked. His smile was huge, it made Jisung's heart warm.

But that feeling didn't leave. The unpleasant antsy feeling under his skin. He wanted to get it out. He felt like he had to get under his skin somehow, dig it out. He wanted so bad to-

"Well I should probably go." Felix patted Jisung on the shoulder. "Promised a friend I would help them with something. I'll see you soon though!" Felix and Jisung waved goodbye to each other after a hug and went their separate ways.

⚠️warning! Self Harm⚠️

When Jisung made it home finally, he could barely breath. That uncanny feeling, that wretched tingling. Jisung drop everything and made his way to the bathroom.

'Blade. Where's my blade?'

Jisung looked in the bathroom cabinet, the on with the mirror above the sink. There, behind and bottle of painkillers, was a small blade.

He promised himself he wouldn't do this anymore. But it was so hard.

'Felix thinks your weak. You should change, that's why he wants you to get a tattoo. You aren't cool enough. He doesn't even like you. He just pities you. You dumb fuck. You fucking worthless peice of shit. No one loves you, you know it.'

A searing pain leaks out from Jisung's wrist. Slow and agonizing. 'Deserved.'

'No wonder you have no friends. You're pathetic. You're nothing. You can't do shit right. How could anyone love a stupid, gay, friendless, fat, selfish ass fucker like you? Can't think of anything?'

No tears spill from Jisung's eyes, no sobs escape his mouth, no emotion is present on his face. The only way one could tell he was in excruciating pain was by the way he dragged the blad across his inner wrist. He needed to be punished. He needed to be because his existence was burdening those around him. He was a nuisance. That's all he will ever be. At least, that's what his mind tells him. The voices of his thoughts drowning any sense of positivity. He was worse than nothing. Nothing wouldn't hurt anyone. Nothing wouldn't burden anyone. He did.

He deserved to di-

A ding pierces the air in the stuffy bathroom. Jisung is brought back to reality. He looks at the deep wounds in his flesh. He sighs, disappointed in himself for yet another reason. He goes to the cabinet for his bandgages as the blood drips down his arm. He wraps himself up after a painful disinfection.

He picks up his phone to see why his phone had notified him.

Knowsaurus
Hey :) how ya doin?

Jisung smiles weakly.

You
I'm okay
You?

From there, they have their usual conversations. Talking about surface level subjects, they message each other for hours.

Once it is getting late they decide to call it a day, and they wish each other a good night.

Knowsaurus
Don't let the bed bugs night :b

Jisung giggles. Soon, he is out like a light.

꧁☾~~~~~~~~💗~~~~~~~~☾꧂

Sorry this took so long lol. Was mapping out future plot :b

Don't forget to vote :D