Weeks went by, the last tour had been over for a month, giving the band time to take it easy while casually working on a new album. Eddie had long since forgotten about the night at the park, including the conversation with the drunken fan. After having time to grieve, problems that had been there before they'd gotten back to Washington began to resurface and the recent ones were buried. He'd taken up a drinking habit, which was no surprise to the other band members, and they didn't dare question it. They all had there way of coping and that was Eddie's. They were just thankful it wasn't drugs, and that he was still functional enough to still help with the writing of music. Outside of Stone's basement, or the recording studio, they hung out from time to time. Being on the tour had given them no privacy or freedom whatsoever, so after coming back, they naturally drifted apart; but promised after Christmas they would come back again and get serious on the album.
Dave was in his own world and preoccupied with girlfriend problems, Mike was also drinking but was collaborating with an old friend on something secret, and stone and Jeff had there own little side music project to keep them busy and to mess around with. Eddie found himself on most mornings waking up on the floor or couch in the recording studio. Knowing that everyone had there own thing at the moment, he didn't want to burden anyone with the truth of his actual financial and emotional state. as long as he wrote lyrics, showed up and sang, everything was good. Of course the guys knew that it wasn't the case, but the way Eddie acted was more than enough to let them know he was in no mood to talk about it.
He was over the friend's death for the most part. It was always going to be a bit of a burden obviously, but he was no longer grieving for her but instead accepting what had happened and trying to remember the good times as he'd been advised 'sad' people should do.
"I know 'ur hurtin Eddie but you got to remember the times that made you guys smile."
Eddie recalled the conversation with the bartender from a week ago, smirking to himself. Ironically, he was sitting outside the same bar at this moment. He was on his fourth beer just this night, and still going strong. The last year of touring had finally caught up with him. When your out on the road, its easy to get caught up in the moment, tell yourself everything is amazing, and focus primarily on the music and the music only. But once its over, you finally realize that, there were problems, lots of problems that he should've acknowledged. Everyone knew they were there, but subconsciously pushed them underneath, locking them in a cellar until they got back home and had nothing to do but dig them back out.
The band had gotten huge, no doubt about it. In just two years, they were already playing across the world, playing stages he never dreamed of having the chance to play. When he'd joined the band, it was supposed to be a fun thing to do. Something with 4 other guys to bring him joy and express and share his passion for art and music. That's what it had started out as, and that's what it still was, but it'd just been stripped by the media and fans slowly and slowly. Sure, they still had the same passion, and joy for playing, but now they felt pressure. tension. stress. exhaustion. They'd been pushed and pushed and put on a pedestal very quickly by people who didn't even appreciate the music for what it was, and this had been subconsciously eating away at everyone. Eddie especially felt exposed, and angry. They were slowly becoming what they vowed not to be, and he knew something had to change as did everyone else.
The only idea he'd thought of so far was to remain low key and out of the public eye. He'd mentioned to everyone else that maybe there next album should be something different, and luckily everyone agreed almost immediately. That was what was keeping Eddie going at the moment. Hope that maybe they'd be able to fix their image with the next album. An opportunity to send out a message and get things straight, put the band back on a road that has a bright future instead of one that was everything but original and sane.
Eddie sighed and sat back against the cold brick wall, looking up at the night sky that was barely visible due to the city lights. Invisible beauty, hidden underneath layers of un-natural blankets. Like me.. With a smirks and a sip, he laid his head back and closed his eyes, not caring that the wind was whipping his curly hair all across his face.
"Something funny?"
Eddie jumped, spilling the beer in his hand all over both his legs. "Jesus fucking Christ." He looked up angrily at a familiar face, that was now filled with guilt.
"I'm so sorry, i didn't mean to do that." She stepped back a few spaces and combed her hand through her hair nervously.
The girl from the park. That's who she was. He recognized her voice, even though it didn't have the same hung over- sickly tone to it, and her long wavy brown and purple tipped hair was a giveaway. He blinked a few times and then realized he was still staring at her. She was starting to squirm under his gaze, presumably feeling more and more embarrassed by the second.
"Ah, no I'm sorry." Eddie said quietly as he blushed and looked down at his feet. He was thankful for the breeze that was hopefully covering the better part of his face. After a few moments he looked back up at her. She was staring at the ground. "Wanna come sit?" He motioned to the empty space between him and the wooden pillar.
"uhm, yeah, sure." She walked over slowly and sat her self down.
"I'm sorry." She apologized again, finally looking him straight in the eye. "I was walking across the street and knew i'd recognized those curls flopping around and had to come say hi." She grinned and looked back down to the ground.
"I'm glad you did. Needed a little something exciting this afternoon." The bottle in his hand was practically empty so he sat it down on the ground and put his hands on his lap, leaning back again.
"you know.. i was thinking about that night from several weeks ago and what you said about not singing it that way, and just wanted to say I'm sorry. I was drunk of course, i tend to be a happy drunk most of the time.." Her voice drifted off for a second but quickly returned. "and didn't realize i was going to meet thee Eddie Vedder that night while singing with my friends. I know how much that song means to you, which you probably don't want to hear, since it is such a personal matter, but i do."
"It's alright. It's my fault for writing it." He laughed a little, smiling when he heard her join in. A few moments later he asked, "Why were you drinking?", killing the the recent light hearted mood.
"I could ask you the same thing."
Eddie smirked and nodded, "yeah i guess you could." He looked back up to the sky, feeling that pit deep in his stomach come back again. he didn't know why he was about to open up to this stranger but he was drunk and just wanted an ear to listen even if they didn't care. "A friend of mine had died. OD'd."
"oh, I'm so sorry." She looked at him apologetically and after receiving a your-turn look, ran a hand through her hair and spoke quietly, "my mom was in the hospital. She slit her wrists and was wishing to die but instead of comforting her, i left to go drink with friends. pretty fucked up huh."
"yeah." Eddie admitted. "But, fucked up seems to be all i know lately." he got up suddenly, and tapped her shoulder. "Come on, lets go buy some more drinks."
