The Lies We Tell

Apologies and Heartbreak

Quinn lay there in the dark, watching as the clock ticked over to 1am. She had been in bed for hours, desperate for sleep yet unable to. It was too quiet in the house. Usually there was the telltale sounds of everyone downstairs. Random shouts, usually followed by the boys laughing. The sound of a cupboard door closing. Water running in the kitchen as someone rinsed their dishes.

They had been gone all day, hard at work in the studio. Their brief little respite after touring done before it was back to the grind. It was funny how quickly she got used to those sounds and missed them as soon as they were gone. Might as well get used to it now. It was only a few weeks out to their next tour. Then it would be another two months of silence. They seemed to always be touring these days. Or always in the studio. Sometimes she missed the days when there was more time to just hang out. When all of them could spend lazy days at the beach, or head up north for a weekend.

A soft knock at her door interrupted her thoughts. Weird. She hadn't heard anybody come home. Normally it was chaos when they walked in. Her hand slowly reached to her nightstand, searching for anything she could use to defend herself. Everything was locked up. She was certain of it. It had to be one of the guys letting her know they were home. Had to be.

"Quinn? You awake?"

Noah.

"Come in," she called out, scooting over to make room for him in her bed.

The soft click of her door opening and closing, followed quickly by her bed dipping as he slid into her bed beside her. She couldn't see him but knew by the way he moved that he was exhausted. One long arm slid underneath her, the other wrapping around her to pull her into him, those same arms locking her in place. Carefully she reached up, trailing her fingers down his face. Of all the things she missed, she missed this most of all. These quiet moments with her best friend.

"I'm sorry, Quinn." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"What for?"

"I shouldn't have ghosted you like that. I kind of, uh, panicked. I shouldn't have done any of the shit I've done." He sighed, his breath fanning across her face. "I can't lose you, Quinn."

Brow furrowed she pulled back slightly, willing her eyes to actually just fucking adjust to the dark. She could just barely make out the outline of his features. Apologizing for the weird attempt at hiding from her was one thing. But the rest? When she was a willing participant? That was a bit insane to her.

"Yeah. You shouldn't have tried to disappear on me over a fucking kiss. We live together, dumb ass. Did you really think that was going to work out for you?"

"Like I said. I panicked."

"Okay. So, maybe don't do that again? I don't know what to tell you, dude."

"Quinn."

"Noah."

"You're doing that thing where you ignore half of what I said again."

Quinn shrugged. The best she could, anyway. It was a little difficult with how tightly he was holding onto her. Noah wanted to talk about it, but she wasn't ready to. Nor was she ready for the inevitable "it won't happen again" part of that talk. That was too much like a full on rejection, and a girl could only take so much before she snapped.

"Doesn't need to be talked about, Noah. It happened. It's fine. I'm a big girl that knows how to say no."

Noah was quiet after that. So quiet she was certain he had fallen asleep. There would come a point where it had to be talked about. She knew that. Even with him not trying to hide from her anymore things were different. Almost like he was distancing himself entirely. But yet, here he was, in her bed at 1am like nothing had happened and everything was totally normal. Everything was confusing. He was confusing.

"I'm sorry." He pressed his lips to her forehead, squeezing her just a little tighter. "I don't want to hurt you."

Her throat constricted and she swallowed, desperate to shove down the urge to cry the more he talked. Sometimes she wished he could just take the hint and shut the fuck up.

"Go to sleep, Noah," she whispered, not quite trusting her voice. What a fucking mess.